Pregnancy Update

I am at 27 weeks 3 days, so the end of the second trimester and on to the last!! I just had the ultrasound today to check if my placenta moved away from my cervix and it did!!! Praise the Lord!!!!! No C-Section for me! I am so happy ad blessed for this huge answered prayer. It was not easy waiting 4 weeks to see what would happen, but God taught me a lot about just trusting and asking for His will.
I am feeling more kicks and jabs as she is growing more and more. I also feel super exhausted if I do a lot, which with two other children is everyday, lol!! Her head is measuring small still, so now we wait again for the doctor to see the measurements more thoroughly. Which I really feel that she is just going to be smaller than her brother's and like me! My glucose test came back perfect, no gestational diabetes and I am gaining weight just fine. Another thing is my platelets are a little low, which she said would be checked again in two weeks, so not too much concern for now. The ultrasound technician said she has hair already!! Here is a picture of her cute little face:

 

I was also reassured she is still a girl!! 

Here is a picture of my belly at 27 weeks!! :)

Prayers are gladly appreciated to finish off this pregnancy healthy and with a precious healthy baby as well!!! Hope your Christmas was wonderful and Happy New Year!!!! :)

Our family size

The question I have been hearing lately as I am pregnant with our third child, within our first 4 1/2 years of marriage is our family size. It comes in different forms: How many more kids do you want? Are they planned? Another kid?!!These are asked by single people, doctor's, or strangers (even people we know). Here is what I have to say to EVERYONE!!!!
When we were going through our marriage prep, we both wrote down we wanted five or more children. Once Lukrik was born we looked at each other and said okay only 5! After Ezekiel was born, again we looked at each other and said only 4! Now, as I have a 3 yr. old, and 1 1/2 yr. old to take care of as I am pregnant, I keep saying to Lucas only 3!! I had more morning sickness with this little baby, than my previous two, so it makes me shudder to think of a fourth pregnancy. Here is the thing we are not opposed to a big family and are constantly praying for the Lord's guidance for our family. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to be able to bear children so easily and more being a mother to precious treasures! Really though it is difficult to not be exhausted and struggle with always being happy. Although, the Lord definitely gives me the grace to find it joyous, rewarding, and absolute love for it!!! I actually would still love 5 children but it is a lot of hard work not only to have them but to raise them. Also financially we could not afford a bigger family on one income, get out of debt, and eventually own a home. We believe in having me as their primary care taker in these crucial early years. So for now 3 children is good. :)
I know the next question is why so close in age? Well honestly its hard and easy this way. The boys are great playmates. Plus breastfeeding Ezekiel was easier on my body (boobs) having just done it a year before for Lukrik. Also, I am only getting older and yes 30 is still young enough to bear children, but I feel like now is my prime baby making time, lol!! So for now that it is it and then we still have time later if we happen to feel called to have more children. I mean it is not set in stone and God may have other plans for us later. Honestly, if anything we have learned a lot about our marriage in these 4 1/2 years: It is that we love the Lord more than anything and openly chose to create life through our love for one another, regardless of how many children we have. Just as long as we know we are true to God's teachings about respecting life and being open to more children, then we are truly living our vocation as husband and wife. ;) <3

Abuse is not love...Part 2

*This post is very personal, and serious. I hope it is informative on how healthy relationships should be and how to seek help. Here are some websites to check out: www.loveisnotabuse.com,         www.breakthecycle.org, and  www.joyfulhearfoundation.org. *  

If you missed Part 1 click here!

Now things progressed we got to know each other. I could see good traits, but the bad traits stood out over the good. He seemed easily jealous, quick tempered, and skeptical about everyone's intentions. After about 4 months a good friend pointed out that these things were signs of abusiveness and suggested I take it slow maybe a break. So I heeded her advice and he was okay with it at first. Sort of he kept trying to prove that he could seem less jealous, which was the only reason I gave him for needing a break. He also still called, came over unexpectedly, and tried to invite me places. I should have seen how obsessive and unhealthy this was. By the summer we were dating again and this is when everything just got worse. He always blamed me when he would get angry. He belittled me very often and had a tight rope on my activities. He began to isolate me, but thankfully I still lived with my parents and we had a pretty open relationship. This helped a ton later when things got pretty bad. 
I think because he had so many issues with his father and just very unstable emotionally this caused me to feel bad for him. I remember suggesting he speak with a counselor, but he refused. So I surrendered and thought maybe I was supposed to help him. Even if it meant suffering abuse, that I was pretending was not there. 
Then the physical abuse began, I remember the first time he slapped me on the face. I was trying to beg to go to a movie with my cousin. He was skeptical and obsessive, got an idea I was going to see some guy or something dumb.I still remember the shame and humiliation I felt deep inside, but I just began to push it aside and ignore it. Just thinking and praying that I could make it through every hurtful word and physical torture. After this one occurrence it happened more and more. I was finally getting very tired of the horrible treatment around November near my birthday. It was a big outburst about some new issue I caused of being disrespectful to him. He was so angry that time that he punched his front windshield and broke it, all while driving!!! 
I began to talk with my mom more after this had happened, I didn't say exactly what happened just that I needed to get away. All without him knowing where I went or when, so he could not find me. Trust me this plan was difficult to even think of let alone say out loud, since time after time he had threatened me about leaving him. Something needed to give, I was so miserable, felt hopeless, and fearful of him. 
Once December came around, I could not take it anymore. I began to try and distance myself from him, also known as lying to him whenever he called. He became weary or should I say angry. One weekend, December 10th to be exact, I manged to avoid him all but one day. He had insistently called my phone, which I ignored. Then he persisted by calling me at home, the first time my dad answered, he told "the guy" I was sleeping already and hung up. He called again and my mom answered and she came in my room, gave me the phone and left. I answered and he was angry...yes I am going to leave you in suspense for a bit, Part 3 coming soon!! 

Pregnancy Update

Today I had an appointment and I have to give a praise report of how good God is because everything is fine with her head measurements!!! Hooray!!!! I am feeling pretty good, just back aches and lots of pulling, she must be growing!! I have been super hungry, but have began the unfortunate indigestion/heartburn which means smaller meals or save for later meals. Have been feeling kicking lots and could watch all day because its amazing!! I am measuring right on for once, even if everyone says I am tiny.
Now I have a new worry/concern which is a medical one. My placenta is lying low, which is marginal placenta previa. It is not covering the cervix but is close and if does not migrate away can lead to a C-Section. I have an ultrasound in 4 weeks, a day after Christmas, to check it out and see what progress it has made. I am asking for lots of prayers because a C-Section, sounds so not fun!!! I am going to pray a novena to Saint Gianna Beretta, here is the link http://saintgianna.org/novena.htm. She has an amazing testimony to motherhood and more importantly her relationship with the Lord. I am very hopeful that the Lord will make good out of it and show me the bigger picture to this little bump in my pregnancy!!! Just to help ease my emotions and heart please pray for us!!!!! I will update again once we find out! :)

Happy Thanksgiving and beginning of Advent!!!!

Abuse is not love...Part 1

*This post is very personal, and serious. I hope it is informative on how healthy relationships should be and how to seek help. Here are some websites to check out: www.loveisnotabuse.com, www.breakthecycle.org, and  www.joyfulhearfoundation.org. *

First, I looked up the definition to the words abuse and love. Abuse- to use wrongly or improperly; misuse. To treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way. To speak insultingly, harshly, and in-justly to or about; revile; malign. To commit sexual assault upon. To deceive or mislead. Love- strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Warm attachment, enthusiasm, devotion, or admiration. Unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. 
Two very different meanings and while you could feel love, abuse should not be the way it is ever expressed. I was thinking that some people, those close to me know what I experienced, but most do not know to what extent. At first I thought it wouldn't be difficult to write about it, but it has been. I think in part because I can't believe I let this person in my life and gave so much power to one person. I have healed a lot through the years, mostly in the first year after it happened because I allowed the Lord to do the healing and amazing things have happened in my life!! I also was encouraged to write about it because many young people are in abusive relationships and need guidance for what a healthy relationship should be. There are different resources out there to help bring awareness and help for those suffering from abuse.
To start I will begin with the fact that I was young, hopeful, and naive. I was 19 years old, had just graduated high school a year before and searching for my life calling. Isn't every 19 year old in search of a career choice, love, and fun?! I had decided to attend these Bible study classes at an extension Bible College Campus at the Christian non-denominational church I was attending at the time. I also met a guy in one of these classes, that had recently began to attend church there. At this time I was very passionate and zealous for sharing the good news of Christ with any willing ear, hence the openness I had towards people. Back to "the guy" he was an acquaintance with friends I had known for many years. This is were it began...
I got a call from some "guy" from church, I had never given him my number or anything. He asked the friend we both knew for my number and her seeing no harm she obliged. He asked questions about our class we had together. From then on began an awkward relationship that would be my most difficult. To be honest I was not attracted to him for any particular characteristic. I just thought let's date a bit and see how it goes, since your Christian and I am too.

Part 2 coming soon!! 

Pregnancy update...motherhood update!!!

I thought I would do a pregnancy update to let you know how everything is going. It was short I promise and then after our ultrasound, my heart had to share this part of my journey with this new baby.
 I am gaining weight finally, no more morning sickness!! I am healthy and have a growing bulge, lol!! Baby is looking good, except her head is measuring a little small. We usually have 3D ultrasounds done because of my sister with microcephaly. They did not refer us this time because there is only one in town and they have stopped sending patients there. So our option was to drive 4 hours away to one, but we declined. We never do the amniocentesis tests and could do without the 3D ultrasound, but now I want the 3D ultrasound just so give me peace of mind and heart that she might just have a smaller head compared to her big headed brothers! I am truthfully not fearful of a child with microcephaly, just worried about being able to provide a fulfilling and healthy life for our little baby girl. Plus, knowing already how much energy it takes to raise a child with special needs, I think what if we can't!! My parents have done an excellent job to the best of their abilities to raise my sister, so I know we would have lots of support!! Its just the unknown things such as if she does have it how severe and how developed is her brain, etc. So many prayers for us as we wait for news and trust that God has a huge amazing plan for our family no matter the circumstances!!! :)
I was able to get encouragement from my amazing mother in law and she told me about Saint Gianna Beretta Molla, to read about her life check out this website, www.saintgianna.org. It was good to read her prayer and reflections because lets be honest what expecting mother does not worry and freak a little about their unborn child. So here are a few of her reflections: "Whatever God wants." "When one does one's own duty, one must not be concerned, because God's help will not be lacking." "One cannot love without suffering or suffer without loving." These little reflections really spoke to my heart and really humbled me. Then her prayer spoke even more to me:

"Jesus, I promise You to submit myself to all that You permit befall me, make me only know Your will. My most sweet Jesus, infinitely merciful God, most tender Father of souls, and in a particular way of the most weak, most miserable, most infirm which You carry with special tenderness between Your divine arms, I come to You to ask You, through the love and merits of Your Sacred Heart, the grace to comprehend and to do always Your holy will, the grace to confide in You, the grace to rest securely through time and eternity in Your loving divine arms." 

No matter how much older I get God continually has lessons for my heart and I cannot forget to surrender it so He can work them through and grow me into that woman of prudent integrity I always ask to become daily. Just had to share this because at some point in our lives we forget how God calls us to surrender to Him and courageously ask for His will in everything. Even if it may not make sense at the time there is always a bigger plan He has in store for us, we simply have to trust Him and know that someday it will make complete sense.   

Now to continue with the pregnancy update, feeling movement since 14 weeks and now, it is fun to feel more and more because it reminds me that yes I am pregnant with our 3rd baby. Worries about going through labor, only that for some reason I won't be able to go naturally medicine free. I guess I feel this way because this pregnancy has been my hardest so far and it may be my hardest delivery. I do know, I am praying I will not have to be induced for any reason and that this time we actually get to our due date, lol. Being I am due on spring break and my husband will be student teaching, I hope for sanity's sake we can hold out until then!! We will see when this baby is ready and makes an appearance.
How will I mange once there are three munchkins?! I don't know, lol!!! Any suggestions? No, truthfully as everyone says children change your life, even after two children the dynamics changed, so guess what they will change again. All I know is lots of prayer, love, support, and strength is what I need. To be honest after Ezekiel was born it was only chaotic for the first two months, lol, then it became blissful. So my children bring me blissful chaos and I love every minute of it!!! I do know poor baby must already wonder how many little people are out there?! Lol, from all the noise, bumps, and pressure she must feel at times. So that is it for now!! :) <3

 Oh  here is my belly at 19 weeks 4 days

Isn't my little pumpkin cute?!!!

Happy Halloween!! 

And Baby #3 is...

We were so excited to find out what gender this little munchkin was!! Finally knowing always helps get me through the last months of pregnancy. Plus, we have names picked out already and I love to call them by name!! So this is Karissa Kay Hibler!!!

We always look at the meanings of names because it is with you forever. This little baby's name is, Karissa: loving; Kay: pure. I never care to share before they are born because its our choice and people better get used to it!! 

Thoughts on death and LIFE

Lately, I have been thinking about death, weird right, but mainly because I had a dream I became ill and died. Of course it freaked me out not because I am afraid of dying, but a little mainly because my family. The idea of getting to rest eternally with my God is exciting, but not a good idea yet if my children are still young. So here are my thoughts on death, it can be a beautiful part of our journey. We aren't meant to be immortal. It is unknown what happens when we die, but I have faith that God will be there waiting. "....Be faithful until death and I will give you the crown of life." Revelations 2:10, here is one of my favorite from one of the gospels, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he die, he shall live." John 11:25
It also got me thinking about all I want our children to know about the Lord. So much to teach and so little time, lol!! The most important thing is that they know, understand, and live that Jesus Christ loves them so much He surrendered His life so that they could live eternally. This is how I would sum it up for them and you, "Christ loves us so much that He gave Himself as an ultimate sacrifice so we could live. It may seem at times in our lives that we definitely do not deserve such love, but it is through His grace that we need to humbly and with all our hearts except it, know it, and most importantly live our lives in surrender to Him. With this wisdom and openness of heart God can do mighty things for you always because you are His and He is your's!!! My children love God with all your heart, mind, and strength because apart from Him it is not a life worth living!!!!!" :) <3

10 Best things about being pregnant

For me these are things I could think of that mean a lot or just me being a little vain, lol:
1. I pray a lot already, but being pregnant just makes me draw closer to Jesus, cause let's face it what expecting mother shouldn't.
2. I love how special and important it makes me feel.
3. Getting spoiled by my husband that is to list a few: he will get whatever I am craving (if it is safe); does my toes if necessary, with both our boys he did my toe nails once I couldn't bend over; cooks something if I have a bout of nausea; tells me I am very beautiful everyday (when expecting it is important to know someone believes your beautiful); and much, much more!!!
4. Having an excuse to "need" a pedicure treat at a salon. :)
5. Love shopping, so being pregnant definitely gives you that excuse. (My favorite places to shop are: Saver's, Target, and Ross)
6. Being able to crave things and not seem like your just fat, lol. I know I am the least fat person, but if I was not a mutant I swear I would be fat!!
7. Gain weight and it totally be okay, because come on your growing another little person (even though I hardly gain weight, for once I am over 110 lbs.) and really all baby!!
8. I love that every time I have been expecting it helps motivate me and our family goals, nothing like little children keeping you on your toes! ;)
9. Love feeling baby movement, hearing their hearts beat, and seeing their little bodies in ultrasounds.
10. Last but not least, the privilege of carrying a little person is like a piece of heaven!! The honor you feel that the Lord entrusted you not only to carry the baby for 9 months, but care for them, is so immense. Yes, even when laboring them to be born. Its like the Lord gave us women that little suffering, which in perspective is a lot, lol, but when compared to the suffering He endured on the cross for us it is but a mere whip. I believe that is when we women know and understand how unconditionally one could love another human being no matter what they are or will become!! :) <3

Big news for our family!!!

So for all that do not know NFP awareness week starts next week July 21-July 27! For us it is the method we use to achieve and avoid pregnancies in a healthy way not only physically but most importantly spiritually!!! We have done it since we become husband and wife, it truly is such a blessing for our marriage. With that said here is the big news...

Yes, we are pregnant with baby #3, due late March 2014!!!!! We are are super excited and nervous at the same time! I am 4 weeks and for me it is never too soon to share the news. I love to ask for lots of prayers and it is always in the Lord's hands!! I am already getting full fledged cravings and morning sickness as well. Oh yes, to clarify now yes we most definitely planned this baby as well as the boys! It is always a joy to decide to achieve a pregnancy and more so to trust that God ultimately has a divine plan for our lives. So to make it short and sweet, many prayers are always appreciated!!! :)

Becoming a Godmother!

In May we were asked to be Godparents to a precious baby girl of our dear friends and compadres (Lukrik's Godparents). Since we became parents, we know how special Godparents are to children because it takes so much energy to raise them: emotionally, physically, mentally, and especially spiritually, having extra support is much needed! I was so happy and honored to be chosen to be their extra support to help them raise their little darling girl. So happy because I get to be part of a little life  without the bearing and feeding, lol!! It truly is such a blessing to be supportive, it helps keep me in line, too! Also, it encourages me knowing there are people truly blessed by choosing to bring to life a precious little miracle of God's creation!!!!

Little A and Nina!! 

So precious!!! :)

Our Lenten Journey

Our lenten journey so far has been completely different from what I had planned. I set out for us to eat healthy, exercise, organize the house better, more importantly pray a rosary together as a family every night, and teach Lukrik scripture. What we have done instead...eating healthy we are still doing good, no exercising, being sick for almost a month now. I was having allergy issues causing me to have asthma attacks, Ezekiel got his first ear infection, and Lukrik got RSV which meant nebulizer treatments four times a day. Our house was in total chaos and no organizing done. Praying together and studying scripture, ha ha, we have not even been to church in three weeks!! :(
I began to get down because we were still wiping noses, feeling sick, and living in chaos. I was thinking what am I doing wrong for us to still be feeling sick? Being home all the time to do treatments for Lukrik did not help my mood. Lukrik asked if we could go to church to see Jesus, even he is missing church already which made it even harder for me to be joyful. I began to pray for perseverance and patience. I instantly thought of Job and found this verse in Job 2:10, "Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall not accept adversity?" I am humbled at the thought of needing to accept adversity and still praising God in it all.
The Lord showed me how many things we have and how truly blessed we are even in sickness.This caused me to be grateful for many things I was overlooking in our current situation. I am grateful that we live in this country and have access to medical services. Grateful that Lukrik and I can get medicine to breathe better. Grateful that even my two and a half year old has an immense longing for our Lord; he sees the importance of fellowship with our church family and desires blessings received by attending Mass.Grateful for support from family, friends, and medical professionals in time of sickness. Grateful that we are free to go to the church we want and not be persecuted for our belief in Jesus Christ. Grateful that even in our sickness we can praise our Lord for all that He provides every minute of everyday, because lets face it we could be doing much worse.
So even in the midst of sickness, chaos, and pure physical exhaustion this may very well be my best Lenten journey because I look forward to the hope of His resurrection with great anticipation!!
"But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 15:57-58 <3

Ezekiel Simon's Birth Story

Here is Ezekiel's story of coming to be here with us! Also, we most definitely planned Ezekiel, he was not a surprise. We use NFP the Creighton Model Method, http://www.creightonmodel.com/ and knew that we were expecting. As soon as Lukrik turned 1 year old, we knew we wanted another baby, call us crazy! So here we go on this journey of having our second child.
So I was due June 10, 2012 and was graduating in May 2012. I was student teaching while pregnant. This meant I was under lots of stress emotionally, mentally, and physically. I was fortunate enough to be blessed with an amazing cooperating teacher whom helped me tremendously through out the semester! Not to mention my amazing husband who supported me, cared for me and Lukrik and even gave me pedicures!!  It was my last week student teaching, I was completely and utterly exhausted, 34 weeks pregnant and an emotional wreck.
Again warning of bodily fluid information, I will try to censor. So the night before my last day with the kids, I began having contractions and went in to the hospital immediately because we both knew it was too soon! Again, I am blessed with an amazing mom and dad, they would care for Lukrik while we were at the hospital no matter what time or day. Luckily they live about 5 minutes away so it is perfectly convenient. I was worried Lukrik would not do so well, because we still co-slept with him at this time and I feared he would not sleep until we were back home. We took him over and went on our way, arrived around 7 pm, I was admitted right way and checked in. They checked my urine to make sure I was hydrated and I was. So the next thing the doctor decided was to go ahead and stop my contractions with medication. I knew at that moment it was wise because he was still too early. So we agreed to go ahead and stop them. They never had to put me on an iv so it was given as an injection which hurt and burned. Not long after it began to work, but I felt horrible. It made me anxious and I could feel poor Ezekiel moving like crazy, which worried me a bit. He was being monitored and was perfectly fine, but it was scary. After a long while they subsided and we were released to return home.
It was 1 am by now, but we stopped to pick up Lukrik and just as I feared he did not sleep at all. It was fine we were there all together and went on home. I never got to go say an official goodbye to my students because I was resting and needed to focus on resting so we would not have him early. At my next appointment I was again measuring small so I had to have another ultrasound to measure everything and make sure he was okay. The midwife said everything was fine and did not think I would make it to 40 weeks to have him so that was promising. I knew we had to be ready any day and have Lukrik as prepared as possible. With graduation a week away at this point, I hoped and prayed Ezekiel would wait long enough so I could graduate and celebrate.

 

                                   This is Ezekiel and me before graduation, for our family pictures.

The Lord answered my prayers and I was able to walk and celebrate a big accomplishment!! It was awesome and so exciting, my Ezekiel helped me get through it all. :)

A video of me walking and posing for the family!! :)

Our little family!! 

Only 10 days from my graduation, I began having contractions again. By this time I was 37 weeks, which made it a little less scarier if I went into labor now. I could feel like it was going to be time soon because I was having back labor again, it felt all too familiar. At my appointment this week I was checked measuring 3 cm and 70% thinned out. On May 21, 2012 which was a Monday we went into the hospital thinking this could be it because I thought my water had broke, but were sent home later that day. Tuesday I rested and made sure everything was ready for all of us. On Wednesday May 23, I woke up still having mild contractions and lots of back pain. Lucas was going to work this day, so Lukrik and I planned on going to my mom's so we would not be alone for the day. I thought what if today is it, so I began cleaning the house like a mad nesting pregnant woman! I finished just in time to leave to my mom's and went on over. Lucas left for work and I laid to rest because I was pretty tired from cleaning, lol! Lukrik played with his cousins and I rested for a bit. I began to get stronger contractions and felt nauseous. I called Lucas and let him know I would time them before he left work. So I tired to eat something but couldn't, I walked around only to need to sit right away. After about an hour I called labor and delivery to see what they suggested I do. Since it was my second child they told me to just come in and get checked. I let Lucas know and he was on his way. I was really getting them close and began to panic about everything! What if Lukrik cried the whole time we were gone, what if we don't make it in time to the hospital, what if Ezekiel poops early too, what if I can't be as brave this time, and many more what if's. I was sobbing by the time Lucas arrived to pick me up and he instantly helped me calm down. 

As we drove to the hospital Lucas kept asking if I felt them stronger and if I was sure we should go. I said yes as I cried and focused on breathing. Once we got there and began walking to he hospital, I felt as if they were slowing down. We went in anyways just to be sure and see how far I was dilated. It was about 2 pm when we arrived and praying that it be whatever the Lord wanted. Even if it meant getting sent back home again, I was okay with it. 

We got checked in and hooked up to everything. The nurse checked and I was 4 cm dilated and still 70% thinned out. Next they gave me water, checked my urine, and had me walk the halls for an hour. Once I got back in bed, hooked up again and waited a bit to check. Still the same and contractions not slowing. Then we thought they would probably send us home, but his heart rate was low so they needed to still monitor us. By this time it was around 4 pm, I was hungry, tired, and needed rest. The nurse had to set up an iv to see if that would help the baby get energy. Around 6 pm they sent in an ultrasound technician to check on how he was. She observed for about an hour and left to talk to the doctor. I began to pray I would not need a c-section or that nothing worse would happen.

About 6:30 pm we got new nurses for the night and still waited on doctors orders. Our nurse told us we could be sent home still depending on how the baby looked, because they could not induce labor before 38 weeks unless medically necessary. I expressed how this is what happened last time with Lukrik and how I was worried it would happen again. But we were okay with going home so we could sleep and eat. Not long after our midwife came in explained how he only passed 6 of the 10 profile tests they did through the ultrasound and she thought it would be better to just induce now rather than wait. 

I went to the bathroom and then made phone calls to family to update them, and also to ask for prayers that he would not need assistance breathing. Then the nurse came in for us to sign consent forms and explain the pitocin. She asked if I had been induced with Lukrik and I said yes, then made sure I did not need anything else. I was started on the pitocin around 8 pm and prayed for strength, I knew it would not be long. The midwife came in to ask if I wanted an epidural or medicine once I said no, she said she would be back when it was time to break my water. 

They did not take long to get stronger and it was tough to stick it out with no pain relief. I was able to manage again as I did with Lukrik, by offering up my pain for little babies that do not get to live. Plus having Lucas there was amazing of course, he is by far the best coach, the nurses even offered him to help them with other patients. :) This time it was just him and I, no grandmas, just us. It was a beautiful time for us because we new we would get to see our little boy soon! 

When I was 7 cm dilated the midwife was called in and she came to break my bag of waters. It felt so weird and I immediately felt his head come down. They told me not to push until they said I could and left the room. It only took about 2-3 more contractions before I felt like I needed to push, she came in immediately and checked, 8 cm and 100% thinned out. They turned me on my side again and said hold on do not push. The room filled with nurses and aids. They brought in the stuff and that's when my body could not wait any longer. I began to tremble and it freaked me out a bit. The nurse stood by the bed facing me and told me not to push yet. I held Lucas' right hand and I needed another hand so I grabbed her hand. She stayed and helped comfort me until the midwife got in. She came in quickly, checked one more time and we were ready. They turned me on my back and coached me to begin pushing when I felt ready. This time I remember only pushing 4 times and he was out. She let Lucas catch him and cut his umbilical cord. They immediately placed him on my belly, which was absolutely amazing!! They took him over to weigh him...

Ezekiel Simon, 6 lbs. 12 oz. and 19 1/2" long

After they cleaned him off and did necessary procedures, he was brought over to be fed. I actually got to feed him within an hour of being born!! He latched on right away, it was such a special moment, forever stamped in my heart! I will never forget how amazing it felt to be able to hold him right away. 

Proud Daddy!! 

We get to go home all together?! 

Ezekiel and his big brother Lukrik!! He loved him from the beginning! :)

Care for sister?

I have not talked about my youngest sister...I am the oldest of four girls my parents have. My youngest sister has microcephaly and just recently diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. The microcephaly caused her to be mentally disabled, retarded, intellectually disabled, or whatever you want to call it. Her brain and skull do not grow at a normal rate, thus her small head. The Parkinson's has been hard on my whole family, but my mom the most. I have always been connected to sister, since I was able to understand she is different from me. I remember thinking if only she could have my brain! I know too sacrificial but I was 9 years old and although she is different she is amazing!! I love her so much and can not imagine my life without her!!!
Now she is 20 years old and very dependent on my mom/others to care for her. She once had energy to dance and sing to Selena. Now does very little activity, in part I feel the degenerating of brain neurons from the Parkinson's made her worse. She also forgets new things now like new people she meets, if she greeted you, if she ate, if she went to the bathroom or even that she just showered for the fifth time that day. I have recently begun to care for her for a few hours three times a week while my mom goes to work and my dad gets home. I had to really think about it because she has moments of frustration and reacts in mere fits. I also had to think do I feel like dealing with repetition and her talking non stop about a life she wishes she could live. Then I had to pray about it because it is not so much thinking as much as feeling with my heart what I felt when I was 9. To care for her is challenging at times because unlike us "normal" folk she wears her feelings on her sleeve is honest and stubborn at times. In those honest and stubborn times I see how "normal" is actually is and how we can love someone unconditionally.
I have learned many great things from her and continue to face the same truth...we really love children unconditionally as Christ does because we have to have faith in them, trust them, forgive them, give to them, and most importantly love them!!! Now that I am a mother I understand more how and why my mother loves us so much even in our imperfect lives and disabilities  because we are a great gift from God and she feels honored to care for us no matter what circumstances life gives us!!!!! So thanks be to God for my mom and for my sister, to teach me life's most important lessons about unconditional love!!!!!! :)

My how fast they grow!

By they I do mean children, particularly my boys. This happened with my first son, except from what I can remember not so quickly. Possibly because having the opportunity to watch a baby so closely for the first time was new to me. Now having already been there, it seems like in the blink of an eye my second son is growing. I love every minute being present to watch them learn new things daily. It makes me proud that I am privileged to care for them. It gets me so emotional lately, and I already want another baby, lol. For now, though, these two are more than enough to satisfy my mommy needs!!

Lukrik's profile 

Lukrik going home

Lukrik now 

Ezekiel's Profile

Ezekiel right after he was born

Ezekiel now

My two precious boys!! I love them soooooo much and look forward to many moments of growing and learning!!!

Lukrik Amadeus' Birth Story

I thought I would share the stories of both our boys being born, because I love to remember those amazing days!! First is Lukrik's of course because he is the oldest. Warning there may be too much information with bodily fluids. Also, it is rather lengthy, but I had to share it all. I still clearly remember all we had to do before he was born, finish sanding his cradle and school had just started. I began having contractions and lots of back pain at 37 weeks which had me thinking it was time. We went to the hospital and then sent home again because it was not time. The nurses told me to walk lots, climb stairs, and have sex.
After this time we came in again, only to be sent home once again, but this time they gave me a sleeping pill so I could rest because I was obviously in pain but not enough to get labor going and then again enough to keep me from sleeping. Once I received the pill we were discharged and by the time we got downstairs, I could barely walk, Lucas had to help me to the car. Clearly she gave me too much medicine considering even having gained 25 pounds by now I was still small. According to Lucas, the trip home I crashed out and he feed me pizza. It is all a huge blur. All I can recall is having the feeling of being drunk to the point of passing out. So we finally got rest, just waiting and trying different ways to get him to come.
 At my last appointment the doctor stripped my bag of waters. I was 39 weeks when I began to get more intense back labor along with contractions which was a Wednesday on September 1st, about 11 pm. We waited and walked around, checked still only 3 cm dilated then of course to be sent home early Thursday on September 2nd, and with another prescription for a sleeping pill. This time I only took half the dose in order to not be unconscious by the time we got home. We both slept for what seemed like the rest of the day. We worked on the cradle and rested some more.
Next day Friday on September 3rd, early in the morning around 5 am I had just laid down from using the bathroom, when I felt a gush like I just peed myself. I thought it was weird since I had just used the bathroom, so I got up and checked, luckily I had a panty liner on cause it was definitely not pee. It was green/brownish colored fluid, I immediately knew it was due to meconium, which is the baby's first poop after being born, he could not hold it in I suppose. I worried a little but thought I have to trust that the Lord is in control. I woke up Lucas and said how I thought my water broke, of course he was hesitant due to having gone to the hospital and being sent home every time  So I called my mother-in-law since my mom's water never broke with any of her babies, when I told her it was green/brownish she said to just go. I also then called the labor and delivery to ask, the nurse said to come once she heard the fluid was green/brownish.
We arrived at around 6:30 am after all the calls and quick bite before going in. They checked me, I  was 3 1/2 cm dilated and my water was definitely broken, she felt his head. Well that was nice to hear that we were finally going to see him in person! I had still been having contractions and they actually began to feel stronger, so we walked around for a bit to wait on the doctors orders because there was meconium. Finally, the doctor decided to go ahead and augment my labor in order to speed things along. By 9 am I was given the pitocin and told it would mean stronger contractions. The nurses switched because I choose to have labor without medicine or an epidural, the nurse did not know how to assist for a epidural free labor. So we got our childbearing education teacher nurse, which was the best thing to hear! She was amazing, her support was great as well as her different techniques for offering relief without medicine. I had just moved to the big birthing ball to switch positions and find some relief because by  now the contractions were coming stronger. My mom got there at this time and mother-in-law was on her way down about four hours away from us.
I then laid back in bed and began to really focus on breathing, because lets face it having contractions sucks!! Lucas was amazing to coach me through every contraction, holding my hand, I promise I didn't squeeze it, it was very comforting to have him hold me to know he was present.
Around 12 pm my mother-in-law and brother-in-law whom brought her walked in quietly. The contractions were fully coming now with little breaks in between, so I was focusing more than ever. When they came in they thought I had opted to take medicine or something because it was so quiet, but I had to focus!! Then I will never forget what my brother-in-law said to me before he left, you look beautiful, Krystle. Thanks I said I do not feel it, but thanks so much!! He left and so began the hardest contractions yet.
My mom and mil would rub my legs to help relax me while Lucas held my hand and we all prayed. I prayed to focus on the outcome for going through this intense pain and offered my pain for all the babies that do not get to live due to abortions!! It helped me be able to bear it all, until he was born. Then just when I thought they couldn't get any worse, oh boy did they ever, causing me to vomit and pee myself. Thank God I was blessed with an amazing mom and mil who have seen it all and helped clean me up. Just after the nurse came into check me again, I was 8 cm dilated by now and felt like I could not take it any more, I just wanted him out!
The nurse had me lay on my side and told me to not push if I got the urge until the doctor got here. I lay there on my side thinking wholly molly this is horrible and excruciating enough, get him out please!!! Next thing I knew it was time once they checked me again and I was 9 cm almost 10 cm dilated. They brought in all the stuff and next thing I know they said we are going to move you on your back. It is time to push him out, which began at around 2 pm. I have never done anything more physically challenging in my life, whew!!! Finally, after I do-not-know how many pushes (hundreds it seemed), he finally emerged, at 2:28 pm on September 3, 2010, we got to finally meet Lukrik Amadeus, weighing in at 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 20 inches long. Might I mention his head was huge as well, lol!!

This me at the beginning of August, my belly was measuring small so no one expected me to have a 7 lb. baby! 

As soon as he emerged he was the most beautiful sight to see after laying in pain and exhaustion to have him. He had his umbilical cord around his neck which once released caused him to gasp for air, which would have been fine if he did not have the meconium, so he aspirated it. Nothing is more disappointing than not getting to hold your precious baby after you worked so hard to get to see him. I remember freaking out for a bit because they kept saying he was fine, but all I thought is then why can't I hold him. Lucas told me he was okay and what they were doing, so I calmed down and said go with him. Before they took him our nurse brought him over quickly so I could see him, I gave a kiss, blessing him and cried. Now all I could think was when can I hold him and feed him.
Once I was fixed up and cleaned, I was rolled down to the nursery to be able to see him. We were not allowed to hold him because he had an oxygen hood case on him. I was not able to hold him until the next day, it was the hardest night ever, because my belly was gone and we had no baby to hold, feed or cuddle with. I was given a pump in order to bring my milk in to feed my baby. The nurses said I could not feed him because he was on the oxygen. Then all the nurses kept saying at least you get to rest, as if that was comforting to hear, I just longed to hold him not rest without him!! Finally, we were allowed to hold him...

I finally was allowed to hold my baby boy!!! Such a bittersweet moment.

He had aspirated the meconium so of course it stuck in his lungs and had to be on antibiotics. There is no feeling more helpless than seeing your precious tiny baby hooked up like this and not getting to kiss him 100 million times a day.

How helpless my Lukrik looked. 

Just when I thought it could not be worse, we had to leave the hospital because they needed our room for other patients. The mere thought of leaving our baby with strangers even medical professionals was so daunting especially when he was only two days old. We had gone home for dinner and I can still remember just weeping!! My husbands family was here for Labor day weekend as is tradition because it is the time of the Chile and Wine festival in Southern New Mexico. I still remember how supportive my mil was, she was upset that I could not feed him, upset that I was not induced sooner, upset that we had to leave him and upset that we all felt helpless! After Mass she was sharing what God showed her during Father's homily, which was God makes good out of bad always we just have to trust Him! It was so comforting and encouraging that my feeling distraught as I was, had a purpose and it would be okay. I needed to hear that, I needed to know He would answer all our prayers and we just had to trust. The next day it was a whole set of new nurses, so that is when we saw answers! The nurse during the day was a heaven sent, she said have you been able to nurse him, no was my answer and she was surprised. By lunch she had him off the oxygen and when we came in to bring milk and pump more, she said I could finally feed him!! I am a strong believer that breastfeeding along with the bond it creates is medicine in itself.
He began to recover well, although we could not take him home until a very long week after he was born, and he was rapidly getting stronger. Thanks be to the Lord for giving us the privilege to care for such a precious treasure, our little Lukrik Amadeus!!!

Going home, finally!!! :) 

In light of Lent

With Lent approaching I thought I would share a little of what we are taking on...we have already begun "giving up" sweets/junk food. So we always look at how we can improve our spiritual lives individually and as a family. I feel that Lukrik is getting old enough to begin to understand relationships better so it is important to us to strengthen his relationship with the Lord. We decided to only allow 30 minutes of electronic use a day, trust me it's hard to keep the IPad from Lukrik and me, lol. Also, doing our churches alms giving for a local community agency will help him understand generosity and being grateful for all he has. One other thing is praying the rosary as a family every night and reading Lukrik different bible verses everyday. Hopefully it goes well and we can let go of the electronics, lol, it helps to have it for when I feed Ezekiel, but I need to get more creative and active! "But as for me and my house we will serve The Lord." Joshua 24:15

Alone time with your spouse

It has been a while since I wrote, but thought I would start the year off with what things I am focusing on this year to be healthy, happy, and holy. For starters we just had a much needed date night the beginning of this month and it was wonderful!! We went to watch a movie but had time to grab a quick bite to eat, which helped us to reconnect. I had been thinking who needs date nights when you do not have time, but reality is we do. We also started reading "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Very easy read and it is very good!! As important as it is to care and love our children, we more importantly need to care for one another because once they grow and leave we will  still have each other. I know that The Lord brought Lucas in my life to be my partner, companion, lover, and friend. So I have made it a priority to put certain things as priorities in order to keep our love and faith growing. As time passes I cannot help but be grateful for the man he has blessed me with and know I must care for this relationship as he has called me to be set apart for him and my husband! After all aren't we called to love our neighbor as ourselves, Mark 12:31. ☺