I have not talked about my youngest sister...I am the oldest of four girls my parents have. My youngest sister has microcephaly and just recently diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. The microcephaly caused her to be mentally disabled, retarded, intellectually disabled, or whatever you want to call it. Her brain and skull do not grow at a normal rate, thus her small head. The Parkinson's has been hard on my whole family, but my mom the most. I have always been connected to sister, since I was able to understand she is different from me. I remember thinking if only she could have my brain! I know too sacrificial but I was 9 years old and although she is different she is amazing!! I love her so much and can not imagine my life without her!!!
Now she is 20 years old and very dependent on my mom/others to care for her. She once had energy to dance and sing to Selena. Now does very little activity, in part I feel the degenerating of brain neurons from the Parkinson's made her worse. She also forgets new things now like new people she meets, if she greeted you, if she ate, if she went to the bathroom or even that she just showered for the fifth time that day. I have recently begun to care for her for a few hours three times a week while my mom goes to work and my dad gets home. I had to really think about it because she has moments of frustration and reacts in mere fits. I also had to think do I feel like dealing with repetition and her talking non stop about a life she wishes she could live. Then I had to pray about it because it is not so much thinking as much as feeling with my heart what I felt when I was 9. To care for her is challenging at times because unlike us "normal" folk she wears her feelings on her sleeve is honest and stubborn at times. In those honest and stubborn times I see how "normal" is actually is and how we can love someone unconditionally.
I have learned many great things from her and continue to face the same truth...we really love children unconditionally as Christ does because we have to have faith in them, trust them, forgive them, give to them, and most importantly love them!!! Now that I am a mother I understand more how and why my mother loves us so much even in our imperfect lives and disabilities because we are a great gift from God and she feels honored to care for us no matter what circumstances life gives us!!!!! So thanks be to God for my mom and for my sister, to teach me life's most important lessons about unconditional love!!!!!! :)
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
My how fast they grow!
By they I do mean children, particularly my boys. This happened with my first son, except from what I can remember not so quickly. Possibly because having the opportunity to watch a baby so closely for the first time was new to me. Now having already been there, it seems like in the blink of an eye my second son is growing. I love every minute being present to watch them learn new things daily. It makes me proud that I am privileged to care for them. It gets me so emotional lately, and I already want another baby, lol. For now, though, these two are more than enough to satisfy my mommy needs!!
Lukrik's profile
Lukrik going home
Lukrik now
Ezekiel's Profile
Ezekiel right after he was born
Ezekiel now
My two precious boys!! I love them soooooo much and look forward to many moments of growing and learning!!!
Lukrik Amadeus' Birth Story
I thought I would share the stories of both our boys being born, because I love to remember those amazing days!! First is Lukrik's of course because he is the oldest. Warning there may be too much information with bodily fluids. Also, it is rather lengthy, but I had to share it all. I still clearly remember all we had to do before he was born, finish sanding his cradle and school had just started. I began having contractions and lots of back pain at 37 weeks which had me thinking it was time. We went to the hospital and then sent home again because it was not time. The nurses told me to walk lots, climb stairs, and have sex.
After this time we came in again, only to be sent home once again, but this time they gave me a sleeping pill so I could rest because I was obviously in pain but not enough to get labor going and then again enough to keep me from sleeping. Once I received the pill we were discharged and by the time we got downstairs, I could barely walk, Lucas had to help me to the car. Clearly she gave me too much medicine considering even having gained 25 pounds by now I was still small. According to Lucas, the trip home I crashed out and he feed me pizza. It is all a huge blur. All I can recall is having the feeling of being drunk to the point of passing out. So we finally got rest, just waiting and trying different ways to get him to come.
At my last appointment the doctor stripped my bag of waters. I was 39 weeks when I began to get more intense back labor along with contractions which was a Wednesday on September 1st, about 11 pm. We waited and walked around, checked still only 3 cm dilated then of course to be sent home early Thursday on September 2nd, and with another prescription for a sleeping pill. This time I only took half the dose in order to not be unconscious by the time we got home. We both slept for what seemed like the rest of the day. We worked on the cradle and rested some more.
Next day Friday on September 3rd, early in the morning around 5 am I had just laid down from using the bathroom, when I felt a gush like I just peed myself. I thought it was weird since I had just used the bathroom, so I got up and checked, luckily I had a panty liner on cause it was definitely not pee. It was green/brownish colored fluid, I immediately knew it was due to meconium, which is the baby's first poop after being born, he could not hold it in I suppose. I worried a little but thought I have to trust that the Lord is in control. I woke up Lucas and said how I thought my water broke, of course he was hesitant due to having gone to the hospital and being sent home every time So I called my mother-in-law since my mom's water never broke with any of her babies, when I told her it was green/brownish she said to just go. I also then called the labor and delivery to ask, the nurse said to come once she heard the fluid was green/brownish.
We arrived at around 6:30 am after all the calls and quick bite before going in. They checked me, I was 3 1/2 cm dilated and my water was definitely broken, she felt his head. Well that was nice to hear that we were finally going to see him in person! I had still been having contractions and they actually began to feel stronger, so we walked around for a bit to wait on the doctors orders because there was meconium. Finally, the doctor decided to go ahead and augment my labor in order to speed things along. By 9 am I was given the pitocin and told it would mean stronger contractions. The nurses switched because I choose to have labor without medicine or an epidural, the nurse did not know how to assist for a epidural free labor. So we got our childbearing education teacher nurse, which was the best thing to hear! She was amazing, her support was great as well as her different techniques for offering relief without medicine. I had just moved to the big birthing ball to switch positions and find some relief because by now the contractions were coming stronger. My mom got there at this time and mother-in-law was on her way down about four hours away from us.
I then laid back in bed and began to really focus on breathing, because lets face it having contractions sucks!! Lucas was amazing to coach me through every contraction, holding my hand, I promise I didn't squeeze it, it was very comforting to have him hold me to know he was present.
Around 12 pm my mother-in-law and brother-in-law whom brought her walked in quietly. The contractions were fully coming now with little breaks in between, so I was focusing more than ever. When they came in they thought I had opted to take medicine or something because it was so quiet, but I had to focus!! Then I will never forget what my brother-in-law said to me before he left, you look beautiful, Krystle. Thanks I said I do not feel it, but thanks so much!! He left and so began the hardest contractions yet.
My mom and mil would rub my legs to help relax me while Lucas held my hand and we all prayed. I prayed to focus on the outcome for going through this intense pain and offered my pain for all the babies that do not get to live due to abortions!! It helped me be able to bear it all, until he was born. Then just when I thought they couldn't get any worse, oh boy did they ever, causing me to vomit and pee myself. Thank God I was blessed with an amazing mom and mil who have seen it all and helped clean me up. Just after the nurse came into check me again, I was 8 cm dilated by now and felt like I could not take it any more, I just wanted him out!
The nurse had me lay on my side and told me to not push if I got the urge until the doctor got here. I lay there on my side thinking wholly molly this is horrible and excruciating enough, get him out please!!! Next thing I knew it was time once they checked me again and I was 9 cm almost 10 cm dilated. They brought in all the stuff and next thing I know they said we are going to move you on your back. It is time to push him out, which began at around 2 pm. I have never done anything more physically challenging in my life, whew!!! Finally, after I do-not-know how many pushes (hundreds it seemed), he finally emerged, at 2:28 pm on September 3, 2010, we got to finally meet Lukrik Amadeus, weighing in at 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 20 inches long. Might I mention his head was huge as well, lol!!
As soon as he emerged he was the most beautiful sight to see after laying in pain and exhaustion to have him. He had his umbilical cord around his neck which once released caused him to gasp for air, which would have been fine if he did not have the meconium, so he aspirated it. Nothing is more disappointing than not getting to hold your precious baby after you worked so hard to get to see him. I remember freaking out for a bit because they kept saying he was fine, but all I thought is then why can't I hold him. Lucas told me he was okay and what they were doing, so I calmed down and said go with him. Before they took him our nurse brought him over quickly so I could see him, I gave a kiss, blessing him and cried. Now all I could think was when can I hold him and feed him.
Once I was fixed up and cleaned, I was rolled down to the nursery to be able to see him. We were not allowed to hold him because he had an oxygen hood case on him. I was not able to hold him until the next day, it was the hardest night ever, because my belly was gone and we had no baby to hold, feed or cuddle with. I was given a pump in order to bring my milk in to feed my baby. The nurses said I could not feed him because he was on the oxygen. Then all the nurses kept saying at least you get to rest, as if that was comforting to hear, I just longed to hold him not rest without him!! Finally, we were allowed to hold him...
He had aspirated the meconium so of course it stuck in his lungs and had to be on antibiotics. There is no feeling more helpless than seeing your precious tiny baby hooked up like this and not getting to kiss him 100 million times a day.
Just when I thought it could not be worse, we had to leave the hospital because they needed our room for other patients. The mere thought of leaving our baby with strangers even medical professionals was so daunting especially when he was only two days old. We had gone home for dinner and I can still remember just weeping!! My husbands family was here for Labor day weekend as is tradition because it is the time of the Chile and Wine festival in Southern New Mexico. I still remember how supportive my mil was, she was upset that I could not feed him, upset that I was not induced sooner, upset that we had to leave him and upset that we all felt helpless! After Mass she was sharing what God showed her during Father's homily, which was God makes good out of bad always we just have to trust Him! It was so comforting and encouraging that my feeling distraught as I was, had a purpose and it would be okay. I needed to hear that, I needed to know He would answer all our prayers and we just had to trust. The next day it was a whole set of new nurses, so that is when we saw answers! The nurse during the day was a heaven sent, she said have you been able to nurse him, no was my answer and she was surprised. By lunch she had him off the oxygen and when we came in to bring milk and pump more, she said I could finally feed him!! I am a strong believer that breastfeeding along with the bond it creates is medicine in itself.
He began to recover well, although we could not take him home until a very long week after he was born, and he was rapidly getting stronger. Thanks be to the Lord for giving us the privilege to care for such a precious treasure, our little Lukrik Amadeus!!!
After this time we came in again, only to be sent home once again, but this time they gave me a sleeping pill so I could rest because I was obviously in pain but not enough to get labor going and then again enough to keep me from sleeping. Once I received the pill we were discharged and by the time we got downstairs, I could barely walk, Lucas had to help me to the car. Clearly she gave me too much medicine considering even having gained 25 pounds by now I was still small. According to Lucas, the trip home I crashed out and he feed me pizza. It is all a huge blur. All I can recall is having the feeling of being drunk to the point of passing out. So we finally got rest, just waiting and trying different ways to get him to come.
At my last appointment the doctor stripped my bag of waters. I was 39 weeks when I began to get more intense back labor along with contractions which was a Wednesday on September 1st, about 11 pm. We waited and walked around, checked still only 3 cm dilated then of course to be sent home early Thursday on September 2nd, and with another prescription for a sleeping pill. This time I only took half the dose in order to not be unconscious by the time we got home. We both slept for what seemed like the rest of the day. We worked on the cradle and rested some more.
Next day Friday on September 3rd, early in the morning around 5 am I had just laid down from using the bathroom, when I felt a gush like I just peed myself. I thought it was weird since I had just used the bathroom, so I got up and checked, luckily I had a panty liner on cause it was definitely not pee. It was green/brownish colored fluid, I immediately knew it was due to meconium, which is the baby's first poop after being born, he could not hold it in I suppose. I worried a little but thought I have to trust that the Lord is in control. I woke up Lucas and said how I thought my water broke, of course he was hesitant due to having gone to the hospital and being sent home every time So I called my mother-in-law since my mom's water never broke with any of her babies, when I told her it was green/brownish she said to just go. I also then called the labor and delivery to ask, the nurse said to come once she heard the fluid was green/brownish.
We arrived at around 6:30 am after all the calls and quick bite before going in. They checked me, I was 3 1/2 cm dilated and my water was definitely broken, she felt his head. Well that was nice to hear that we were finally going to see him in person! I had still been having contractions and they actually began to feel stronger, so we walked around for a bit to wait on the doctors orders because there was meconium. Finally, the doctor decided to go ahead and augment my labor in order to speed things along. By 9 am I was given the pitocin and told it would mean stronger contractions. The nurses switched because I choose to have labor without medicine or an epidural, the nurse did not know how to assist for a epidural free labor. So we got our childbearing education teacher nurse, which was the best thing to hear! She was amazing, her support was great as well as her different techniques for offering relief without medicine. I had just moved to the big birthing ball to switch positions and find some relief because by now the contractions were coming stronger. My mom got there at this time and mother-in-law was on her way down about four hours away from us.
I then laid back in bed and began to really focus on breathing, because lets face it having contractions sucks!! Lucas was amazing to coach me through every contraction, holding my hand, I promise I didn't squeeze it, it was very comforting to have him hold me to know he was present.
Around 12 pm my mother-in-law and brother-in-law whom brought her walked in quietly. The contractions were fully coming now with little breaks in between, so I was focusing more than ever. When they came in they thought I had opted to take medicine or something because it was so quiet, but I had to focus!! Then I will never forget what my brother-in-law said to me before he left, you look beautiful, Krystle. Thanks I said I do not feel it, but thanks so much!! He left and so began the hardest contractions yet.
My mom and mil would rub my legs to help relax me while Lucas held my hand and we all prayed. I prayed to focus on the outcome for going through this intense pain and offered my pain for all the babies that do not get to live due to abortions!! It helped me be able to bear it all, until he was born. Then just when I thought they couldn't get any worse, oh boy did they ever, causing me to vomit and pee myself. Thank God I was blessed with an amazing mom and mil who have seen it all and helped clean me up. Just after the nurse came into check me again, I was 8 cm dilated by now and felt like I could not take it any more, I just wanted him out!
The nurse had me lay on my side and told me to not push if I got the urge until the doctor got here. I lay there on my side thinking wholly molly this is horrible and excruciating enough, get him out please!!! Next thing I knew it was time once they checked me again and I was 9 cm almost 10 cm dilated. They brought in all the stuff and next thing I know they said we are going to move you on your back. It is time to push him out, which began at around 2 pm. I have never done anything more physically challenging in my life, whew!!! Finally, after I do-not-know how many pushes (hundreds it seemed), he finally emerged, at 2:28 pm on September 3, 2010, we got to finally meet Lukrik Amadeus, weighing in at 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 20 inches long. Might I mention his head was huge as well, lol!!
This me at the beginning of August, my belly was measuring small so no one expected me to have a 7 lb. baby!
As soon as he emerged he was the most beautiful sight to see after laying in pain and exhaustion to have him. He had his umbilical cord around his neck which once released caused him to gasp for air, which would have been fine if he did not have the meconium, so he aspirated it. Nothing is more disappointing than not getting to hold your precious baby after you worked so hard to get to see him. I remember freaking out for a bit because they kept saying he was fine, but all I thought is then why can't I hold him. Lucas told me he was okay and what they were doing, so I calmed down and said go with him. Before they took him our nurse brought him over quickly so I could see him, I gave a kiss, blessing him and cried. Now all I could think was when can I hold him and feed him.
Once I was fixed up and cleaned, I was rolled down to the nursery to be able to see him. We were not allowed to hold him because he had an oxygen hood case on him. I was not able to hold him until the next day, it was the hardest night ever, because my belly was gone and we had no baby to hold, feed or cuddle with. I was given a pump in order to bring my milk in to feed my baby. The nurses said I could not feed him because he was on the oxygen. Then all the nurses kept saying at least you get to rest, as if that was comforting to hear, I just longed to hold him not rest without him!! Finally, we were allowed to hold him...
I finally was allowed to hold my baby boy!!! Such a bittersweet moment.
He had aspirated the meconium so of course it stuck in his lungs and had to be on antibiotics. There is no feeling more helpless than seeing your precious tiny baby hooked up like this and not getting to kiss him 100 million times a day.
How helpless my Lukrik looked.
Just when I thought it could not be worse, we had to leave the hospital because they needed our room for other patients. The mere thought of leaving our baby with strangers even medical professionals was so daunting especially when he was only two days old. We had gone home for dinner and I can still remember just weeping!! My husbands family was here for Labor day weekend as is tradition because it is the time of the Chile and Wine festival in Southern New Mexico. I still remember how supportive my mil was, she was upset that I could not feed him, upset that I was not induced sooner, upset that we had to leave him and upset that we all felt helpless! After Mass she was sharing what God showed her during Father's homily, which was God makes good out of bad always we just have to trust Him! It was so comforting and encouraging that my feeling distraught as I was, had a purpose and it would be okay. I needed to hear that, I needed to know He would answer all our prayers and we just had to trust. The next day it was a whole set of new nurses, so that is when we saw answers! The nurse during the day was a heaven sent, she said have you been able to nurse him, no was my answer and she was surprised. By lunch she had him off the oxygen and when we came in to bring milk and pump more, she said I could finally feed him!! I am a strong believer that breastfeeding along with the bond it creates is medicine in itself.
He began to recover well, although we could not take him home until a very long week after he was born, and he was rapidly getting stronger. Thanks be to the Lord for giving us the privilege to care for such a precious treasure, our little Lukrik Amadeus!!!
Going home, finally!!! :)
Monday, February 11, 2013
In light of Lent
With Lent approaching I thought I would share a little of what we are taking on...we have already begun "giving up" sweets/junk food. So we always look at how we can improve our spiritual lives individually and as a family. I feel that Lukrik is getting old enough to begin to understand relationships better so it is important to us to strengthen his relationship with the Lord. We decided to only allow 30 minutes of electronic use a day, trust me it's hard to keep the IPad from Lukrik and me, lol. Also, doing our churches alms giving for a local community agency will help him understand generosity and being grateful for all he has. One other thing is praying the rosary as a family every night and reading Lukrik different bible verses everyday. Hopefully it goes well and we can let go of the electronics, lol, it helps to have it for when I feed Ezekiel, but I need to get more creative and active! "But as for me and my house we will serve The Lord." Joshua 24:15
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