A Healing Heart

We are about to have another Sacred Heart of Jesus feast day celebration. Our family has a special devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus now, more than ever. In this post I go into detail why and here is what happened. When I was about to have Gregory the unknowns about his heart were so scary. I am so grateful for his health and he is 1 year old now!

It is always so hard to deal with trials. I am sharing how I have had to heal over this year from the weight of all the fears. It was hard to be brave, when we had to see a pediatric cardiologist. It was hard to hear they were not sure what would happen. It was hard to not be sad that we could have a baby with a heart defect. It was hard to have faith.

We didn't have a lack of faith in God's healing power. We truly believe He can heal and work miraculously. I was simply afraid to ask for a healing, because in my heart I really wanted Gregory to be healthy. I didn't want him to have a heart defect. I didn't want to be brave enough to face it all, if he did. But what if it was God's plan to give us baby with a heart defect? God has plan for us we often don't understand. We sometimes want things that may not be necessary or even good for us.

I wanted whatever God willed. Saying that requires a kind of faith that knows God is still in the midst of us even when it is darkest. See I believe that we are sometimes called to suffer. Does it seem weird to believe it? Maybe.

Romans 5:1-5 says, "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access [by faith] to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that been given to us." 

So maybe not weird to believe this. None of us are exempt from suffering. I have been through enough to know, that if something is happening in my life that is causing me suffering I need to be brave enough to face it with faith. I always ask for the strength and courage to face whatever happens with love. I know there is a process my heart needs to go through to gain understanding, as hard as it can be sometimes. Part of my hearts process at that time, was not to ask for a healing. Afterall how many parents have not asked for healings for their children with tons more faith and it just was not the plan. God has a plan, even when it is painful. There is beauty in that suffering when we are united to Christ. It also doesn't mean He loves others more.

I began a novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. As I gazed at our huge image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus...

I thought why not do a novena to the Sacred Heart, for a heart defect. I started it March 18, 2019 and did it for nine days, I wasn't asking for a healing for Gregory's heart. I asked for strength to be able to deal with whatever God willed for him. Once I finished the first nine days, something changed in my prayers and heart. I continued praying the novena until Gregory was born. The change was I finally felt I needed to fully surrender, Gregory. Through prayers from all our family and friends God spoke to me. I heard, God say, "He is my beloved child, just let go, let him come to me and I will take care of him." When I say surrender him to God, all parents know that we are given children to raise. Ultimately they do not belong to us, they are God's. So in my heart, I knew, in order to not be so stressed and anxious, I needed to surrender. I told Lucas, we needed to pray to surrender Gregory. We did, we told our Lord, that His will be done, we trust Him with Gregory, no matter what the outcome. How often do we praise God in our trials, how often do we believe He is good even when we are suffering? Our surrender was a vital part of our journey in that precise moment. As difficult as it was, it was freeing. I began thereafter to ask for his heart to be healed. I had a peace with everything, finally.

Once he was born, we took it hour by hour. Every intervention and care he needed was necessary. He was so well cared for and we were informed of everything going on. Every echocardiogram that he had would reveal that his heart was truly healed. It was the longest week of my life. After all we went through for Gregory's birth, being in the NICU for a week, and not being able to rest properly after giving birth, I am still so grateful. Grateful because with our Lord's loving kindness and strength, Gregory Ellis is healthy. His heart is absolutely perfect, no narrowing, no coarctation, no murmur, just a strong beating heart. My heart needed a healing in faithful surrender and that is just what happened. Thanks be to God for He is good!! Sacred Heart of Jesus, grant us peace and protection. <3

This is Gregory Ellis with his Jesus he received on Easter.

Little cutie, enjoying ice cream at 14 months old. 

Marriage: A Sanctifying Grace

 As our anniversary approaches this year, I wanted to share about the graces that we have received through the Sacrament of Marriage. We always reflect on what truly keeps our marriage surviving and thriving. The conclusion for us is simply the Sacraments. It can be difficult, at times, to see that they really make a difference. The truth is they do and it can be a healing. Marriage takes sacrifice and a lot of love. That love stems, foremost from a love for God first, in order to love any other person. Especially, to love your spouse with an unconditional love that God calls us to experience in a marriage. The world can easily distort that love God is calling us to. I want share about the sacrifices we have made and graces we have received these past 11 years. 

 Often we are afraid to sacrifice. Let us look at the definition of sacrifice. An act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy. Sacrifice is seen throughout the Bible. From the Old Testament examples are of offerings sacrificed to the Lord. In the New Testament the ultimate sacrifice of Christ on the cross for us. These are sacrifices of blood for the renewal of a promise. The sacrifice definition I gave is one that sometimes can have a negative perspective. I believe we are called to sacrifice from time to time. Although it needs to come from a place of humility and love which can be so beautiful. 

 In marriage we constantly sacrifice. We give of ourselves at our marriage vows. Matthew 19:5-6, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh..." We are joined as one in our Lord. This can be seen as a sacrifice because we must learn to put one another first and compromise. 

  
 In Romans 12:1-2 it says, "I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect." If we see this in the context of marriage, it is a call to be set apart for Christ as living sacrifices for each other. There are times when we sacrifice something of ourselves for the good of another. 

We have been married since 2009 and have five children. We met in college through a mutual friend. We married while still going to school, so sacrifice was a big part of our marriage from the beginning. Early in our marriage when we became parents for the first time we had to make sacrifices. We were both still in school full time and working part time. We had to take turns with our school schedule, so one of us was always with our son. During our marriage prep we both knew we wanted to have me staying home as the primary caretaker of our children. Since we were still in school we had to compromise by sharing the load of caretaker with each other and even have extra support from my parents. The semester I was due with our first son my school load was light. I had to also postpone my practicum semester in order to have a baby.

It was hard to not do as much because of our child, but it was a necessary sacrifice we both made. We both had to compromise and work so hard to be able to receive our Bachelor degrees. We may have taken longer to finish, but we did it! Our marriage and family didn't suffer from it because of our willingness to sacrifice and to work hard. So sacrifice is good for us. It calls us to humility and love. It calls us to deny ourselves so Christ can be King of our hearts and lives. 

Now sacrifice can also bring a grace into your life. In marriage we can experience a sanctifying grace. Sanctify: to be set apart as holy. 
We are called to be set apart from the world.Here are a few verses throughout the Bible that calls us to be set apart for Christ:

  Deuteronomy 14:2 says, "For you are a people holy to the Lord, your God; the Lord, your God, has chosen you from all the peoples on the face of the earth to be a people specially his own." 

  Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you." 

  2 Timothy 1:9-10 says, "He saved us and called us to a holy life, not according to our works but according to his own design and the grace bestowed on us in Christ Jesus before time began, but now made manifest through the appearance of our savior Christ Jesus, who destroyed death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel..." 

  1 John 1:1-3 says, "See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet so we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now; what we shall be has not yet been revealed. We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope based on him makes himself pure, as he is pure." 

Marriage can be a light that shines with holiness and love to a dark world. We need grace in marriage because, let's face it, we are all sinners and fall short. Recently I had what I call little "conversions". Even as we mature spiritually there are always things to be learned. Sometimes it is the same lesson, but shed in a different light. One of those "conversions" is the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I always believed in the grace that is offered with a contrite heart, but lacked the wisdom that it can truly bring. The beauty offered in reconciling your heart to God and knowing you are forgiven is indescribable. We often reflect on our relationship as husband and wife and parents. Going to confession has always been a little hard for us. To be honest it, was mostly laziness and shame that kept us from going regularly. In the past 2 years I have experienced a little conversion in a big way. As Matthew Kelley says, "The Sacraments are a close encounter of Jesus Christ to transform us spiritually." 

Witnessing how full of grace Lucas was after going to confession regularly was heart changing. I was getting so bitter with him and our children. My own sin and shame was distancing me from the joy that can come by knowing Christ has forgiven me and loves me! This caused a huge transformation for me spiritually. I finally humbled myself and admitted how good it felt to go to confession regularly. I am free in Christ and it has made my relationship with God stronger. It also is making me a better wife and momma. 

 So this is where marriage can bring a sanctifying grace. We love each other through our dark days and our bright ones. We prayerfully decide things together. We sacrifice for each other to help one another get to Heaven, someday. This is  our ultimate goal in marriage, after all. It is not always easy, but it is a journey that has been beautiful so far, even in our trials. 

 So I pray that you see your journey as beautiful too! Keep persevering and loving!! :)<3 

Lucas and I 

June 13, 2009

I love this picture of our hands! This was taken for our 

engagement pictures by a friend. It is a reminder that we are with one another to carry each through life.