Advent Traditions

Thought I would make a post about our Advent traditions. We try to have a time of preparation starting with the first Sunday of Advent. On that first Sunday of Advent we also celebrate with a cake/treat and a special dinner since it is our church's New Liturgical Year. We usually decorate for Christmas the day before the first Sunday of Advent. We also read this beautiful "The Night before Advent" by Ann Voskamp poem. We have grateful hearts for all we have been blessed with this year! 

We have our Advent wreath and every week focus on the meaning of each color. We pray an Advent prayer every Sunday at dinner time and light the candle for that week. The prayers we use can be found here and they also give a brief history of the Advent wreath. When we first were married, we always reflected on our childhood and traditions we had. We agreed on ways we would celebrate Christmas and what traditions we wanted to observe with our family. The Advent wreath was one of our first traditions we did and still do.

Did you know that each candle has a certain color and meaning. First week: purple candle for HOPE, second week: purple candle for PEACE, third week: pink candle for JOY, fourth week: purple candle for LOVE. Once it is Christmas Eve you change the candles to all white. In order to help young children better incorporate with meaning of the Advent season, I saw an Advent promise worksheet on Pinterest that I recreated.

So the kids have to think of a way to serve and express an act for each one. You change it according to their age and what they know they can accomplish. It helps them think about others and how they can demonstrate love by serving others. 

We also have a Brother Francis video which I won last year in a giveaway. It is a video with clips you watch everyday during Advent. It is beautifully made for children and there is a challenge you work on every day as a family during the Advent season. The kids really enjoyed it last year and are looking forward to it again this year.

We also don't do Santa on Christmas. We celebrate St. Nick on his feast day December 6th. The kids put out their boots the night before by our front door. We usually get them something that will enrich their faith or books, chocolate coins, an orange and something they need. We love the CCC St. Nick video because it shows how much he loved our Lord and how he served others. We also have this book about St. Nicholas.

We also put our baby Jesus from our Nativity in a green velvet box under the tree. On Christmas morning we say a prayer together and the youngest kid opens up the baby Jesus. They get to place Him in the Manger, which makes it special for them. We want our focus on Christmas to be on Jesus as our most important gift. Last year we went to Mass on Christmas morning and came home to open gifts after our prayer. We do give gifts on Christmas and it is something they want, need, and read/watch. This year we got them a book called "Advent Storybook: 24 Stories to Share Before Christmas" by Antonie Schneider, illustrated by Maja Dusikovaa.


Another little thing we do is get rid of toys that still work and donate them. We also have an Advent Calendar of the Nativity Scene, I made it out of felt and print outs with velcro. The kids take turns putting up the person/animal/object of the day.

Christmas time brings a lot of busy schedules and rushing around. Although this year will look different with this pandemic, I think it can be a great time for little acts of charity towards others.
We also incorporate crafts on feast days such as St. Nicholas, Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe, and the Holy Family.

This year we are going to be doing a couples thing. Lucas was gifted from his Godfather the "Consecration to St. Joseph" by Donald H. Calloway, MIC. We will have a 33- day journey to the feast day of the Holy Family for our consecration day. We are excited for this journey as now is the time for St. Joseph!
Hope this gives you some ideas for traditions to incorporate for your family! Feel free to share your traditions!


May this Advent season bring you all hope, peace, joy, and love!!! :)<3

A Healing Heart

We are about to have another Sacred Heart of Jesus feast day celebration. Our family has a special devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus now, more than ever. In this post I go into detail why and here is what happened. When I was about to have Gregory the unknowns about his heart were so scary. I am so grateful for his health and he is 1 year old now!

It is always so hard to deal with trials. I am sharing how I have had to heal over this year from the weight of all the fears. It was hard to be brave, when we had to see a pediatric cardiologist. It was hard to hear they were not sure what would happen. It was hard to not be sad that we could have a baby with a heart defect. It was hard to have faith.

We didn't have a lack of faith in God's healing power. We truly believe He can heal and work miraculously. I was simply afraid to ask for a healing, because in my heart I really wanted Gregory to be healthy. I didn't want him to have a heart defect. I didn't want to be brave enough to face it all, if he did. But what if it was God's plan to give us baby with a heart defect? God has plan for us we often don't understand. We sometimes want things that may not be necessary or even good for us.

I wanted whatever God willed. Saying that requires a kind of faith that knows God is still in the midst of us even when it is darkest. See I believe that we are sometimes called to suffer. Does it seem weird to believe it? Maybe.

Romans 5:1-5 says, "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access [by faith] to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that been given to us." 

So maybe not weird to believe this. None of us are exempt from suffering. I have been through enough to know, that if something is happening in my life that is causing me suffering I need to be brave enough to face it with faith. I always ask for the strength and courage to face whatever happens with love. I know there is a process my heart needs to go through to gain understanding, as hard as it can be sometimes. Part of my hearts process at that time, was not to ask for a healing. Afterall how many parents have not asked for healings for their children with tons more faith and it just was not the plan. God has a plan, even when it is painful. There is beauty in that suffering when we are united to Christ. It also doesn't mean He loves others more.

I began a novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. As I gazed at our huge image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus...

I thought why not do a novena to the Sacred Heart, for a heart defect. I started it March 18, 2019 and did it for nine days, I wasn't asking for a healing for Gregory's heart. I asked for strength to be able to deal with whatever God willed for him. Once I finished the first nine days, something changed in my prayers and heart. I continued praying the novena until Gregory was born. The change was I finally felt I needed to fully surrender, Gregory. Through prayers from all our family and friends God spoke to me. I heard, God say, "He is my beloved child, just let go, let him come to me and I will take care of him." When I say surrender him to God, all parents know that we are given children to raise. Ultimately they do not belong to us, they are God's. So in my heart, I knew, in order to not be so stressed and anxious, I needed to surrender. I told Lucas, we needed to pray to surrender Gregory. We did, we told our Lord, that His will be done, we trust Him with Gregory, no matter what the outcome. How often do we praise God in our trials, how often do we believe He is good even when we are suffering? Our surrender was a vital part of our journey in that precise moment. As difficult as it was, it was freeing. I began thereafter to ask for his heart to be healed. I had a peace with everything, finally.

Once he was born, we took it hour by hour. Every intervention and care he needed was necessary. He was so well cared for and we were informed of everything going on. Every echocardiogram that he had would reveal that his heart was truly healed. It was the longest week of my life. After all we went through for Gregory's birth, being in the NICU for a week, and not being able to rest properly after giving birth, I am still so grateful. Grateful because with our Lord's loving kindness and strength, Gregory Ellis is healthy. His heart is absolutely perfect, no narrowing, no coarctation, no murmur, just a strong beating heart. My heart needed a healing in faithful surrender and that is just what happened. Thanks be to God for He is good!! Sacred Heart of Jesus, grant us peace and protection. <3

This is Gregory Ellis with his Jesus he received on Easter.

Little cutie, enjoying ice cream at 14 months old. 

Marriage: A Sanctifying Grace

 As our anniversary approaches this year, I wanted to share about the graces that we have received through the Sacrament of Marriage. We always reflect on what truly keeps our marriage surviving and thriving. The conclusion for us is simply the Sacraments. It can be difficult, at times, to see that they really make a difference. The truth is they do and it can be a healing. Marriage takes sacrifice and a lot of love. That love stems, foremost from a love for God first, in order to love any other person. Especially, to love your spouse with an unconditional love that God calls us to experience in a marriage. The world can easily distort that love God is calling us to. I want share about the sacrifices we have made and graces we have received these past 11 years. 

 Often we are afraid to sacrifice. Let us look at the definition of sacrifice. An act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy. Sacrifice is seen throughout the Bible. From the Old Testament examples are of offerings sacrificed to the Lord. In the New Testament the ultimate sacrifice of Christ on the cross for us. These are sacrifices of blood for the renewal of a promise. The sacrifice definition I gave is one that sometimes can have a negative perspective. I believe we are called to sacrifice from time to time. Although it needs to come from a place of humility and love which can be so beautiful. 

 In marriage we constantly sacrifice. We give of ourselves at our marriage vows. Matthew 19:5-6, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh..." We are joined as one in our Lord. This can be seen as a sacrifice because we must learn to put one another first and compromise. 

  
 In Romans 12:1-2 it says, "I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect." If we see this in the context of marriage, it is a call to be set apart for Christ as living sacrifices for each other. There are times when we sacrifice something of ourselves for the good of another. 

We have been married since 2009 and have five children. We met in college through a mutual friend. We married while still going to school, so sacrifice was a big part of our marriage from the beginning. Early in our marriage when we became parents for the first time we had to make sacrifices. We were both still in school full time and working part time. We had to take turns with our school schedule, so one of us was always with our son. During our marriage prep we both knew we wanted to have me staying home as the primary caretaker of our children. Since we were still in school we had to compromise by sharing the load of caretaker with each other and even have extra support from my parents. The semester I was due with our first son my school load was light. I had to also postpone my practicum semester in order to have a baby.

It was hard to not do as much because of our child, but it was a necessary sacrifice we both made. We both had to compromise and work so hard to be able to receive our Bachelor degrees. We may have taken longer to finish, but we did it! Our marriage and family didn't suffer from it because of our willingness to sacrifice and to work hard. So sacrifice is good for us. It calls us to humility and love. It calls us to deny ourselves so Christ can be King of our hearts and lives. 

Now sacrifice can also bring a grace into your life. In marriage we can experience a sanctifying grace. Sanctify: to be set apart as holy. 
We are called to be set apart from the world.Here are a few verses throughout the Bible that calls us to be set apart for Christ:

  Deuteronomy 14:2 says, "For you are a people holy to the Lord, your God; the Lord, your God, has chosen you from all the peoples on the face of the earth to be a people specially his own." 

  Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you." 

  2 Timothy 1:9-10 says, "He saved us and called us to a holy life, not according to our works but according to his own design and the grace bestowed on us in Christ Jesus before time began, but now made manifest through the appearance of our savior Christ Jesus, who destroyed death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel..." 

  1 John 1:1-3 says, "See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet so we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now; what we shall be has not yet been revealed. We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope based on him makes himself pure, as he is pure." 

Marriage can be a light that shines with holiness and love to a dark world. We need grace in marriage because, let's face it, we are all sinners and fall short. Recently I had what I call little "conversions". Even as we mature spiritually there are always things to be learned. Sometimes it is the same lesson, but shed in a different light. One of those "conversions" is the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I always believed in the grace that is offered with a contrite heart, but lacked the wisdom that it can truly bring. The beauty offered in reconciling your heart to God and knowing you are forgiven is indescribable. We often reflect on our relationship as husband and wife and parents. Going to confession has always been a little hard for us. To be honest it, was mostly laziness and shame that kept us from going regularly. In the past 2 years I have experienced a little conversion in a big way. As Matthew Kelley says, "The Sacraments are a close encounter of Jesus Christ to transform us spiritually." 

Witnessing how full of grace Lucas was after going to confession regularly was heart changing. I was getting so bitter with him and our children. My own sin and shame was distancing me from the joy that can come by knowing Christ has forgiven me and loves me! This caused a huge transformation for me spiritually. I finally humbled myself and admitted how good it felt to go to confession regularly. I am free in Christ and it has made my relationship with God stronger. It also is making me a better wife and momma. 

 So this is where marriage can bring a sanctifying grace. We love each other through our dark days and our bright ones. We prayerfully decide things together. We sacrifice for each other to help one another get to Heaven, someday. This is  our ultimate goal in marriage, after all. It is not always easy, but it is a journey that has been beautiful so far, even in our trials. 

 So I pray that you see your journey as beautiful too! Keep persevering and loving!! :)<3 

Lucas and I 

June 13, 2009

I love this picture of our hands! This was taken for our 

engagement pictures by a friend. It is a reminder that we are with one another to carry each through life. 

Holdfast my lovely

I have been reflecting a lot on how raising a daughter is different from raising a son. I have four boys and one girl. She is dab in the middle of the boys. It has been an interesting dynamic for our family. I grew up with only sisters, so the thought of having only one girl makes me sad sometimes. After having our third son, I realized God gives us just what we need. No more, no less. We also hear lot about how girls are so much harder than boys to raise. That we are luckily we dodged having more girls because they are dramatic. To some point I agree we are a bit more dramatic, I grew up with three sisters all younger than I. So I know drama, lol, especially our teenage years. Here is the thing though, we are really good friends now. We love each other and are very different, but we have a strong and lasting sisterhood with one another. I don't know if we would have been easier on my parents had we all been boys. I do know they love us and don't think we were difficult due to our gender.
Everyone also keeps saying she can be the princess. To be honest she would rather have a sister, than be a princess. She does love all things girly, but she is also tough and can hold her own with her brothers. She still says I really wish I had a sister, but my brothers are the cutest. She does play well with all them and that is a blessing. 
Hold-fast means something to which something else may be firmly secured. This word comes to mind when I think of my tough and sassy little girl. I want her to be dependent on God and know He loves her beyond measure. I want to her to discover her feminine genius at an early age. To embrace that God has made her beautiful, unique, and strong. To not ever let the world tell her she is not enough. To believe she is worthy of unconditional love and to be respected. 

Karissa playing dress up in one of my dresses.

Who knows we may one day give her a sister! She would just love it so much and having another daughter would be an amazing blessing!! :) <3 

Lenten Activities Update

I thought I would update our Lenten/Easter Activities. We do some things differently, since the kids are older. We still do our Lenten/Easter tree. When we first started this we did the Bible verses, but now I do this Lenten sacrifice on a cross or crown from Catholic Inspired. On our crosses we put a special sacrifice we want to do during Lent. Then on Holy week we switch them out with our Easter tree decorations. I found these new eggs from the dollar tree, my old ones were heavy and broke branches.

We usually do the calendar from Catholic Icing, but this year the kids got some from Religious Education. They open a window everyday and it has a Bible verse.

 

One year we also did a sacrifice bean jar, but with a busy toddler that gets into everything, we will not do it this year. 

Last year we bought some neat Lenten Resolutions pages from Catholic Icing. We like that they are interactive and fun! Plus they help you stay accountable. Every year as the kids get older, they can be more understanding of sacrifices. This year we all gave up the same thing, sweets. You would be surprised how well kids can do with giving up things. They all can help each other and encourage one another. There are some really neat Lenten planning sheets that help you organize everything. You can get some if you subscribe to her newsletter, Catholic Icing. 

We chose as a family to also use our monthly eating out fund to give to the Rice Bowls. We always do a lot of clutter cleaning and donate items we don't need anymore.
As a family we take up praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet every night during Lent. We pray every night anyways, but like to add to the experience different forms of prayer. This year we are also going to our Parish's Penance service together, since our oldest has received this Sacrament. We would also like to add a Stations of the Cross every Friday. We are doing the Brother Francis one so it is kid friendly and engaging. Our kids love the Brother Francis videos. Teaching our children about prayer, fasting, and alms giving with rich experiences is an important aspect of our faith. So they can understand better the sacrifice Jesus made for us and give a little back to Him.
On Holy week we try to go to Holy Thursday Mass. It is such a beautiful Mass to attend, even with children.
For Easter we die eggs and have a nice picnic feast with an egg hunt. I decorated some fake eggs with the Easter Story on them, for added decorating. I also made a Resurrection garden that we place on our altar, idea from Pinterest.

These are what we during Lent, hope they encourage you to add them too! We pray you have a Lent full of growth and remember how much our Lord loves you!!! :)<3

NFP for our marriage 2

Since it is NFP awareness week thought I would share how it looks for our marriage. We have used the Creighton Model NaProEducation Technology for 10 years. 

Before we got married, 10 years ago, I never even considered birth control as part of how we would have children or not have children to be more correct. Even back in 2008 when I was having issues menstruating regularly and my doctor recommended taking birth control, I didn't. Part of me always knew it was not natural for my body to be on synthetic hormones. My doctor said it could help alleviate my painful cysts I was getting and help regulate my period. I didn't dismiss it completely but really wondered if this was my only option. So I just carried on and suffered through.
Fast forward to spring 2009 about two months before we got married. When we found a Creighton Method instructor. She was in El Paso, Texas at the time and we drove 45 minutes for all our appointments. She worked with your income as far as payment, we were still college students. We paid a total of $100 plus gas for traveling to follow up appointments. A life time investment for our marriage that is priceless.  We really enjoyed this time of learning about charting because it was a Catholic woman teaching us, it was actually more spiritual of a marriage prep then our actual in church marriage prep. Which is vital for the Sacrament of Marriage. We understood what my body was doing and how to pray accordingly each month on achieving or avoiding a pregnancy those first months as a married couple. It helped make our communication strong and open. I know I often viewed my cycles with hate before understanding my fertility. Now I see that my body is pretty awesome and I know what is happening with it every month. When I don't know I have a book that helps explain things such as hormonal issues that may be occurring. I always viewed my cycle with dread and shame, but learning about what my body was doing helped me change that perspective. It helped me value my fertility and understand what a great gift it is. As a person that values women and their bodies, learning about your fertility is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.
I wanted to share a practical view on how NFP works for us. The Creighton Model Method we use has a term for how to better your marriage perspective, it is the SPICE acronym for spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative/communicative, and emotional/psychological. This practice helps us have a better dialogue, mutual respect for each other, shared responsibility, and self-control and self-mastery. Here is a quote from our Creighton Model FertilityCare System book by Dr. Thomas Hilgers, "Furthermore, it considers fertility as a part of health and not disease. In the current contraceptive culture in which we live, human fertility is viewed mostly from the point of view of a disease. The contraception, sterilization and abortion programs that dominate family planning choices all rely upon either suppressing or destroying the procreative capability. But with the Creighton Model System, it is through knowledge and understanding of the cycle of the woman and eventually the fertility cycle of the couple. When fertility is observed as a part of health rather than a part of disease, it is seen as a friend, not an enemy; it is seen as something that is good and not a burden; it is viewed as something to be worked with rather than opposed. It leads to a respect for the body of the spouse." With that said I will take you through each of the SPICE terms and explain how we make it work for us.
Spiritual is the first term on it so of course prayer is important for us as a married couple. We have evolved our prayer life individually as well as a couple. We also had to figure out how to add our children. Prayer for us is huge! It is so powerful and a way to communicate with God. We have learned how to be in tune to each others needs spiritually. For example Lucas just attended the Steubenville West in Tucson with our Parish's youth. It was not easy for me to be alone with all the kids for the weekend (cheated by having Grama come over Saturday and Sunday), but I knew that it would be good for him to go with students from his Confirmation class. It helped him renew his passion for music and teaching Confirmation again. Another thing is that our children see that being spiritual and close to our Lord is important to us. The best example is that we go to Mass together as a family, unless sick. It is the greatest thing you can do for your children, to bring them to Christ. Spiritual is probably our most nurtured area.
Physical is next. First of all I am not a very physically affectionate person to begin with. That being said, it is something that is part of every person. To be physically close to people is important as well. It helps nurture a relationship to show affection physically. So I have definitely learned how to be open to it, especially becoming a mother, lol. For our marriage it is hard to find that middle ground. Lucas is more physically affectionate for sure, it is actually his top love language (more about that later). Now obviously understanding the difference between what this method calls arousal or affirming touch helps to determine whether you will achieve or avoid a pregnancy that month. In other words, yes there are times we have to abstain from the act of intercourse. To be honest it is not that much time that you have to abstain. I hear a lot of couples say it is really hard to abstain. We have to be creative and considerate of one another because of our love for one another. If we are finding it hard then we need to pray more about how our family is growing and whether now is a good time for more children. Pray for self-control and to be responsible about our choices. If it was really hard and we just went with how we felt all the time, we probably would have double the amount of children we have now, lol. So for us our physical relationship is pretty great and creative. You just have to find other ways to be intimate physically  besides intercourse.
Intellectual is really a cool component. As lovers of learning and growing this method has helped nurture that part of us. We have to be smart about our choices. In other words we have to be constantly evaluating whether we are achieving or avoiding a pregnancy every month. It keeps things real and we have perspective on how things are going for our family. It actually takes thinking about what we are doing. For example after we had our daughter, we had a 3 year gap before trying to achieve a pregnancy. We had just moved cities for a job and had to get used to that move. We were not in a great place financially to grow our family. This is a time when it was hard to abstain at fertile times because we wanted more children, but financially couldn't. So you can see how it helps you grow intellectually to use this method.
Creative/communicative has been mentioned here and there in the others. We got a better understanding of how to communicate our love creatively by learning each other's love language. We read a book called, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It really changed our marriage for the better by understanding that each person has a love language they speak. It seriously was a game changer for us to better nurture our relationship. Being married is not easy by any means, so having an understanding that we each show love differently really helped. It also helped us gain perspective of the other's way to express love. My top love language is acts of service and Lucas' is physical touch. The book gives great tips on how to nurture each love language and fill that love tank. For example when I am feeling an empty love tank, Lucas simply throwing out the trash or doing dishes is huge for me. Lucas' love tank can be filled with a simple affirming hug or back rub. These are also examples of how to be creative with our physical relationship. Of course being free to discuss things that bother you and not feel shame in expressing those feelings.
Emotional/psychological is important for any relationship. It is good to be able to express your feelings openly and not be criticized. In a marriage it takes balance to achieve this. For example we don't get to have date nights often, especially now with five kiddos, but we have to find time to talk. Often we stay up after everyone is sleeping to talk or just cuddle uninterrupted. We obviously are not perfect, so this one is probably the one that is often neglected the most. One thing we started doing is writing each other love notes. When we were dating and engaged that was one big show of love. So we made a digital note on our phones that has letters back and forth. We don't have to respond to each and every note, but just getting to express our love through writing helps and it has always been something we enjoy doing. We also have a synced calendar so we know what is going on in the other one's day. Little things like this help keep our emotions in check and considerate of one another. 
So these things are how NFP works in our marriage. Even though we are far from perfect we have been happily married for 10 years. We believe NFP is the best choice for every marriage because it helps us to be healthy, holy and of course happy. So whether you do or don't use any form of NFP, I challenge you to ask yourself why or why not. If you do use it reflect back on why you choose it to begin with. If you don't use it, what have you got to lose? Don't pass up something that can empower you individually and enhance your marriage. May the Lord bless your marriages and help you to be truly free, faithful, fruitful, and total!! <3:)

 Lucas and I for our 10th Wedding Anniversary

June 13, 2019

Our family along with Father Leon, Grama Georgie*, and Auntie Becky*(included with our sleeping youngest)

Gregory Ellis' Birth Story part 2

Here is part 2 of his birth story. If you have not read part 1 go here.

The contractions started pretty quickly after having the Cervadil inserted. I thought I would get to sleep. My sister in laws even set up the couch bed to rest on. I got that first one, then a minute later another and another. My body responded pretty quick to the medication. Remember how I am sensitive to medications, well this was no different. After 20 minutes of contractions every minute my body began to tremble. I could not control it at all and my whole body was shaking tons. I felt nauseous and horrible so we called the nurse in to ask if this was a normal reaction. She responded it was, but Gregory's heart began accelerating so they put me on oxygen. She also came back with some Zofran for the nausea. She left and I continued shaking through each contraction. My sister in laws were a little worried, you could see it on their faces. I had to hold both of Lucas' hands to help me not feel so out of control with the shaking. I labored with 1 minute apart contractions and shaking for an hour. Our midwife and nurse came in to check me. At 11pm they took out the Cervadil to give me a break and get Gregory's heart rate down a bit. I was now at a 3cm and 70% effaced. They also decided to wait on starting Pitocin because his heart rate was so high. Also started my IV with fluids and turned me on my side to see if he would calm down. As soon as that darn Cervadil came out my body relaxed and stopped shaking. It felt good to not be shaking like that anymore. I continued having contractions but with a bit more space between them, thankfully. Now I was able to sleep a bit and rest in between contractions. Around 2am my water broke and we called the nurse quickly. She came in and checked me to be at 4cm and 80% effaced. Flipped me to my other side and rested for an hour when I felt some pressure. She came in again and checked me to be at 6cm and still 80% effaced. Got up to the bathroom and came back to rest. They still were not doing Pitocin because my body was already laboring on it's own. This is a first for me to be in labor without Pitocin. It was definitely different and more bearable. Around 4:45am I felt a lot of pressure and began to cry because I was so exhausted. The nurse came in and checked me at 7cm and 100% effaced. The midwife came in then as well and they discussed having me try some IV pain relief. I didn't want it, so the nurse suggested laughing gas. I agreed to try because I wanted relief, this is usually a sign it is getting close but didn't really say anything. I forget how I become right before they are born. Lucas usually will say you are probably almost there just wait it out, but he knew how exhausted I was so kept quiet.
It takes awhile to set up the machine that pumps the gas. At this point I felt him coming down. I know laying on my side helps me not push but this time it didn't matter. She had just set up the machine and on the next contraction I had to put the huge mask to my face. I don't feel like it did anything because I had the sudden urge to push. I threw the mask in Lucas' hand and began panting. I yelled at the nurse, "I have to push and he is right there." She just said, "Use the mask and breathe." But I yelled again, "I am pushing." I did and could feel his head there ready to come out. I looked at Lucas like he is there and no one is in here for him. I seem to have this fear of birthing my babies without a midwife present and now with this baby it was fear of no NICU team there. She then called the midwife immediately and said, "Get on your back so I can check you." I said, "No cause he will come out." At that time another nurse was there and just lifted my leg she checked and said, "Yup, his head is right there! Okay, just breath it is okay." They began quickly shuffling around to get everything ready. I stayed on my back until the midwife came in and they put the plastic under me. She then said I could get on my back and push when I was ready. They were trying to get his heart beat on the monitor. She then said, "It is okay to push Krystle." I still couldn't get my head in the game. Then Gregory must have needed to be born because I had to push. I pushed three times, his head was big, lol. At 5:27am on April 18th, 2019 he was born! A no crying, bluish baby was placed on my belly. Sweet relief, but I knew he needed help. His head was all cone shaped, poor him. I have never had a cone headed baby, lol. They clamped his cord and cut to get him to the warming bed. They still let his cord pulse for longer before Lucas cut it. The Neonatalist took good care of him and got him breathing. They let me hold him for about 10 minutes, but could not feed him. I knew he needed to go because he was grunting still. So with tears in my eyes and kisses I let him go. Daddy went with him to the NICU and I stayed to get cleaned up. He weighed 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 20.5" long.

 Getting cleaned up and checked out.

 Daddy cutting his cord.

 My baby looking more pink and crying a little.

 Getting to hold him before going to the NICU.

 So relieved to see him and hold him.

 He needed oxygen right away.

 His board in his NICU bed.

So he had a cardio echo gram and they still couldn't see if a coarctation was present. His aorta did look narrow still. He would have another echo the next day. He had to be monitored with 4 point blood pressure checks every 3-6 hours. He was not allowed to eat anything, so he had an IV placed with fluids and sugar. He was having levels of gases checked in his blood stream every few hours as well. This could indicate that there was a heart problem if they went too high. It was great he was so well cared for. Our nurse we had for most of his days there was amazing!

This is my colostrum I got pumping the first time! Liquid gold!!

 Poor baby had to have a tube inserted to get air that was in his tummy. He also had a central line placed in his umbilical cord.

 Little cutie could not be moved from his bed still.

 Daddy's first time holding him was Saturday night April 20th.

 Finally got to feed him because his oxygen was off! He had another echo and it still revealed a narrowing but no coarctation. So no transfer needed at this point which was awesome.

 Full of milk!

 He was in bed 7, our favorite number!

 He finally got a bath and our nurse gave him a mo-hawk.

 Received this blanket from this group and I was crying. I was so emotional at this point. His blood sugars had to be good enough to get off the lipids he was receiving through his line. He also started to have high bilirubin levels.

 Another successful nursing. He was doing good and still had a lactation consultant come by because I suspected a lip tie. Also he was not staying latched the first day, but I always forget the first day nursing they have struggles because they have to learn how to do it.

 His little blood pressure cuff.

 His central line and heart monitor cords. His blood sugars were looking good so his central line came out Monday April 22nd. He also no longer needed to be in the warming bed.

 It was so exhausting sleeping in the tiny couch bed, but they graciously let me stay there. The first night I got no sleep because the beeping machines and crying babies. The NICU is one big area with only curtains separating beds. It was so hard emotionally for me. All the families that have babies in the NICU are champions. It is the most difficult thing ever! I was only there for a week, but others have been there for months. My heart was definitely grateful for all our answered prayers and I began to offer my little suffering for all the families there. On an especially difficult day when I was so exhausted and missing my family at home another family suffered a loss. Their baby was born really early and she couldn't breathe on her own. That day everyone in the NICU was frantic because her lungs were hemorrhaging. She was not going to make it and that night when the parents came in the NICU was so silent. Not even the babies were crying that much, it was so weird. Anyways our bed was just two away from theirs so I could hear everything happening. I will never forget hearing that poor mother cry for her child. It was the most heartbreaking thing ever! They sang to her and prayed over her. I remember waking up cause Gregory was hungry. I just fed him, prayed and cried too. I still keep them in my prayers because the loss they suffered and heart ache they probably still have is too much. I share this because there I was complaining about the couch bed and lack of sleep yet I could hold my baby and he was almost going home. It was a lesson I needed to be grateful for all our blessings and to really pray for those in the NICU. It is a different world in there for families and without the amazing medical care all the staff provides it would not be so bearable. So thanks to their caring hearts and hard work for all those babies and their families!! 

On Monday's echo it revealed no coarctation still and now the narrowing was not there. It is truly a miracle and healing he had. We asked for intercession through the Sacred Heart of Jesus and he answered!

 Gregory getting ready to go home on April 24th.

 Selfie with my baby!

We were so excited to go home to all the family and so I could sleep in my bed!!

Thanks again to all those that helped provide food for my kiddos, money for me to eat at the hospital, and especially the prayers!!!! A huge thank you to my parent in laws whom took care of the kiddos for us!!! We are so grateful for all the support and love!!! Thanks to our Lord for all his provision through all of it and for allowing us to get to love this sweet baby boy!!!!!! :)<3