A Healing Heart

We are about to have another Sacred Heart of Jesus feast day celebration. Our family has a special devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus now, more than ever. In this post I go into detail why and here is what happened. When I was about to have Gregory the unknowns about his heart were so scary. I am so grateful for his health and he is 1 year old now!

It is always so hard to deal with trials. I am sharing how I have had to heal over this year from the weight of all the fears. It was hard to be brave, when we had to see a pediatric cardiologist. It was hard to hear they were not sure what would happen. It was hard to not be sad that we could have a baby with a heart defect. It was hard to have faith.

We didn't have a lack of faith in God's healing power. We truly believe He can heal and work miraculously. I was simply afraid to ask for a healing, because in my heart I really wanted Gregory to be healthy. I didn't want him to have a heart defect. I didn't want to be brave enough to face it all, if he did. But what if it was God's plan to give us baby with a heart defect? God has plan for us we often don't understand. We sometimes want things that may not be necessary or even good for us.

I wanted whatever God willed. Saying that requires a kind of faith that knows God is still in the midst of us even when it is darkest. See I believe that we are sometimes called to suffer. Does it seem weird to believe it? Maybe.

Romans 5:1-5 says, "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access [by faith] to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that been given to us." 

So maybe not weird to believe this. None of us are exempt from suffering. I have been through enough to know, that if something is happening in my life that is causing me suffering I need to be brave enough to face it with faith. I always ask for the strength and courage to face whatever happens with love. I know there is a process my heart needs to go through to gain understanding, as hard as it can be sometimes. Part of my hearts process at that time, was not to ask for a healing. Afterall how many parents have not asked for healings for their children with tons more faith and it just was not the plan. God has a plan, even when it is painful. There is beauty in that suffering when we are united to Christ. It also doesn't mean He loves others more.

I began a novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. As I gazed at our huge image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus...

I thought why not do a novena to the Sacred Heart, for a heart defect. I started it March 18, 2019 and did it for nine days, I wasn't asking for a healing for Gregory's heart. I asked for strength to be able to deal with whatever God willed for him. Once I finished the first nine days, something changed in my prayers and heart. I continued praying the novena until Gregory was born. The change was I finally felt I needed to fully surrender, Gregory. Through prayers from all our family and friends God spoke to me. I heard, God say, "He is my beloved child, just let go, let him come to me and I will take care of him." When I say surrender him to God, all parents know that we are given children to raise. Ultimately they do not belong to us, they are God's. So in my heart, I knew, in order to not be so stressed and anxious, I needed to surrender. I told Lucas, we needed to pray to surrender Gregory. We did, we told our Lord, that His will be done, we trust Him with Gregory, no matter what the outcome. How often do we praise God in our trials, how often do we believe He is good even when we are suffering? Our surrender was a vital part of our journey in that precise moment. As difficult as it was, it was freeing. I began thereafter to ask for his heart to be healed. I had a peace with everything, finally.

Once he was born, we took it hour by hour. Every intervention and care he needed was necessary. He was so well cared for and we were informed of everything going on. Every echocardiogram that he had would reveal that his heart was truly healed. It was the longest week of my life. After all we went through for Gregory's birth, being in the NICU for a week, and not being able to rest properly after giving birth, I am still so grateful. Grateful because with our Lord's loving kindness and strength, Gregory Ellis is healthy. His heart is absolutely perfect, no narrowing, no coarctation, no murmur, just a strong beating heart. My heart needed a healing in faithful surrender and that is just what happened. Thanks be to God for He is good!! Sacred Heart of Jesus, grant us peace and protection. <3

This is Gregory Ellis with his Jesus he received on Easter.

Little cutie, enjoying ice cream at 14 months old.