Miscarriage

 This is to share what I have found supportive and helpful during this time. I don't think we are aware of what comments or words of encouragement will help or not. You can't really know what to say when someone shares their heartbreak with you. So the best thing is just to say you are sorry and you will pray for them. Here are a few things people said or did that really felt encouraging: 

    -Sorry for your loss

    -We are praying for you

    -Share their story of loss as well

    -Hugged and cried with me

    -You are going to be okay 

    -You are great parents

    -It is not your fault

    -We love you all

    -You will be okay

    -Our Lord will give you strength

    -Jesus is here with you

    -Our Blessed Mother has you in her mantle

    -What do you need? 

    -Gifts of food 

    -Gifts of comforting goodies for me

    -Gifts of plants/flowers

    -Cards of sympathy

The prayers and gifts of food were probably the best things for us that week. I wasn't even in a mode to think of what to feed the kids. I didn't think I would be okay. I thought this heartbreak was too much for me. I was so ecstatic with joy and gratitude for a new little life. I had been doing a novena to Our Lady of La Leche to conceive a little baby.  

Novena Prayer (Alternate 1)

Lovely Lady of La Leche, most loving Mother of our Savior Jesus Christ, and my mother, please listen to my humble prayer. Your heart knows my every wish, my every need. I trust, dear Mother, that you will shelter me beneath your protecting mantle, as you did your Son.

Intercede before him, I pray, that I may have the courage and strength to overcome whatever difficulties may surround me. Give me the grace to be faithful to you always, and may you be my shining inspiration now and forever. If it be according to the Divine Will, please obtain for me by your intercession the following favor (mention your request here).

V. O Mary, conceived without sin.

R. Pray for us who have recourse to you.   

Our Lady of La Leche, pray for us. 

It is such a beautiful novena, Our Lady of La Leche is such a powerful interceder for mommas and women. I know she took our prayers to Jesus, and he answered them. We needed a Saint interceding for all of us, already with Jesus. 

This link helped me think of ideas to get things to remember our baby. ways-to-remember-your-child

 I found that Baby's Breath also represents purity, innocence, and everlasting love! So this remembrance necklace I found beautiful. 

 

We also bought a little plaque for his burial place. I wanted to be able to know where he was, plus the one I chose was perfect!   

 

There are a few books that I love for children. They are to help children understand and deal with grief. 

We also added to our wall for baby pictures a special collage of baby. 

As I continue to heal and recover from this loss, I find some days are super hard emotionally. I still feel raw and empty. I really have to be proactive with my mental state. I found this link, quotes-on-suffering helpful and comforting! I have been journaling a lot lately to help me just note things and keep them all in one place. I had to admit to myself the fears I have of future pregnancies. I do not feel ready by any means to try to conceive again. I had my first cycle since the miscarriage, and it was so hard. I felt this sadness creep in like an enemy. I knew I had to go to Jesus in the tabernacle, surrender all my hurt and guilt. I had to go to daily Mass one evening and went with my mom-in-law. It was nice to go together and pray with one another. She reminded me that we are still open to life even in this heartache. Also, to be patient with myself since I have been through a lot. 

My birthday is a month away, and I feel more at peace with turning 40. I was not looking forward to it coming. I always had this idea in my mind that I had to have all my children by 40 and be ready to move on. Our fertility is not set in a timeline we make; God works in his timing. The healing I need is to be in a place where my heart is free to dream, ask for another miracle, or be at peace with the blessings we have. I feel like that is part of my guilt, the times I may not have been so open to a new life. Or thought it was too hard to have more babies now as I get older. Being someone who struggles with hard pregnancies and postpartum, we had valid reasons to be avoiding pregnancy for three years. Of course, if we ended up pregnant, it would have been great. We love our babies, and the privilege of being parents is such an honor! We will be okay, and with faith can heal from this heartache. 

So please continue to pray for us! This is all a new cross for us to bear in our marriage. One that has not been easy, and we can see how the enemy can sneak in and cause destruction. We must remain ever vigilant and armed with the word of God. Father shared a verse today in Mass that is so powerful to keep in your heart. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear..." 1 John 4:18