I thought it would be helpful for my grieving heart to write a bit about what we went through with our miscarriage. With that said, if you have been through a miscarriage, this could possibly trigger you. It is okay if you don't want to read my post, I pray you find comfort and strength.
We had been trying to conceive for a few months and finally got a positive pregnancy test on August 19, 2025. I had been testing with some early detection tests from Amazon. They are line ones, two for positive, and one for negative. I would test every day for 5 days. We were very excited to be expecting our 7th baby! We told the kids right away. I surprised them with a set of baby onesies that came with 3. They were really excited, too! We always share with family right away because they can pray for us. Our families were really excited as well! We weren't going to share on social media until we had our first ultrasound. With each child after the 3rd one, we always braced ourselves for what others would say. Often, we get weird congrats, by which I mean some kind of snarky comment. Perhaps they don't know what to say, because we may seem crazy for wanting a big family at this time in our world. Here is the thing: we have always wanted a big family. Ever since our marriage prep time, the first evaluation asked how many children we wanted. We both chose 5 or more children. Now, how it would happen was all up to our Lord. One thing in our 16 years of marriage and 15 years of parenting that is certain is Divine Providence. He has provided in ways we often can't explain, but we just trust wholeheartedly in Jesus. We are far from perfect; we are completely imperfect, God fearing, God loving, and faithful people. It is not always easy with a big family, but it certainly is our biggest blessing!
I know it seems I have gone off from my story, but this is all on my heart at the moment. Possibly all the negative comments we receive on the occasion we all go out together takes a toll on my momma heart. I also need a lot of healing in this area, because it is not that I care fully what others think, it is more a defense because they feel the need to express their thoughts on our big family and do it in front of our kids. I will share one recent encounter. We decided to give the kids a treat for completing chores each week, and if we attend Mass, it will be given on the way home. Well, we decided to stop at Circle K every week. The first few times, a very nice cashier worker would greet us, but had that look we know so well. It is a wow, you have so many children, look, and I may say something not nice about it. Well, one week after those first few encounters, we had a drink getting spilled incident, and Lucas ran back to get another. Well, she finally said the thing we were holding our breath for. She shared with Lucas how she would get so anxious seeing us come in with everyone and worried we would cause chaos. She complimented how well-behaved they are and how impressed she was with us. Now she calls us her favorite family and seems so genuinely happy to see us! Why I share this is because, as a society, we are not child-friendly anymore, maybe we never were. The opportunity to see us every week gave a stranger the opportunity to see our big family joyful and have a positive view of children. This is possibly what contributes to my stress when going places with our big family. We have to be prepared for rude people and comments we don't need. Maybe their hate or dislike of children is displaced. Did we forget how it was to be childlike? Do we know how to be prolife? Do we know how much joy a child can bring to a broken world? Their innocence and joy are contagious. They are our future. They are precious and so necessary. They are our biggest legacy.
So, to continue the story, I had already begun feeling sick, not super unusual for me. Each pregnancy is very different, and my morning sickness varies. I had quickly started a supplement for morning sickness to see if it could help make it bearable this time. On Monday, August 25, 2025, I noticed a bit of mucus with blood in it. I have never had spotting in early pregnancy, so it was a bit alarming. Then I instantly got nervous and said a prayer. I didn't tell Lucas until he got home, and he said not to worry. Which helped keep my emotions at bay. The next morning, I had to use the bathroom, so I decided to test then. When I went, I noticed more spotting and actually started cramping. I had purchased a digital pregnancy test and did two of the others I had. Waited, and the line ones timer was up, negative. The digital finally finished, and it read not pregnant. Heartbreak, instant heartbreak. I didn't panic right away and said a silent prayer for God's will to be done. I crawled back into bed, and Lucas noticed I began sobbing. He rolled to me and asked what happened. I shared about the tests, spotting, and mentioned the cramping. He just held me, so tight, and asked what I needed. I sobbed, not to be left alone. Please stay with me, I whispered. The cramping intensified, and the spotting got worse. Lucas let me lie in bed and tried to feed me. I didn't have an appetite until the next day. We let our families know and asked for many prayers. We both researched what to do and how to deal with it all. It is so shocking and alarming.
Here are what we found to be tremendously helpful. I will share in another post what is helpful from family and friends when someone is going through this. A little about what is encouraging and comforting to hear.
how-to-bury-your-baby-after-a-miscarriage catholicmiscarriagesupport
I had not even made an appointment with my ob/gyn yet. It got a bit worse by Wednesday morning; I had more cramping and heavy bleeding by this time. I knew I would pass our little baby this day. I had really been clinging to praying the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows of Mary.
It felt a bit like early labor, except the difficulty is knowing you have to bury your baby. No newborn cuddles or smells. Until this moment, I always thought the hardest thing I had experienced was labor and NICU babies. Now this is the most challenging thing I have experienced. If you were not able to bury your baby, do not feel guilty or ashamed. We each do what we can with what we know at the time. All we could think of was that burying the dead is a Corporal Works of Mercy, and we wanted to honor that. It may seem like a lot to go through to others, but we honor the human dignity of people from conception until natural death.
If I ever was not kind or gentle enough if you were going through a miscarriage, I am so deeply sorry. I never intended to be inconsiderate or unempathetic. I am truly sorry for your loss/losses, and I do pray for you all!
We had a rough morning, having such difficult bathroom trips to save what we could of everything that came. I knew when it happened, I had a sharp cramp and could feel something come down. I went to the bathroom alone; Lucas was tending to Violet. But I called him instantly when I could see something on the pad. A piece was still stuck, but as another cramp came over me, I bore down and more of the baby came. We both sobbed and placed the baby in a cup with saline water to help preserve him. We continued and got in contact with my primary care practitioner, who said to call for an appointment with my ob/gyn. We did and got an appointment that afternoon at Lovelace Women's Medical Hospital. We discussed whether to take the baby in, but I told Lucas no. I didn't want them to keep our baby's remains. We knew we had to bury the baby. This is where Father Angelo really helped us and supported us. He answered our call and told us what to do.
Our family and friends nearby were so beautifully, our communion of Saints during this week. From meals, a basket of goodies for me, plants, cards, and so many, many prayers! I can never thank you all enough for all the love and prayers!!!
In all the chaos of the loss, we couldn't get anyone to take care of the kids while Lucas took me to the doctors. We all went, and they waited in the van while I went in. It was hard to go and sit there; some mommas were coming in with their bellies so full of life. I just offered a prayer of thanksgiving for life and the sacredness of bringing new lives into the world. I prayed for strength and comfort. They finally called me in and confirmed I was having a miscarriage. They explained what would happen and offered condolences. The nurse shared she had actually gone through one recently. So she was very gentle and kind. They also said I could go for a hormone check when I am ready to try again. I thanked them and walked out. When I got to the van, I told Lucas everything they said and cried. I called my mom to tell her what they said, and then my mom-in-law. We drove home and just talked about what to do next. My momma-in-law came over that evening and brought the little box we would bury little Joseph in. We talked and cried. She agreed to talk to one of the Fathers for our special blessing for miscarriages.
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