Guess what?!!!!!

   We are pregnant again...little duck number 5 heading our way next April!

Super exciting and yes we are crazy, crazy in love that is!!!

No, really we just couldn't help it and had to have another. It is such a blessing to be fertile and open to life. Ever since last year when we were praying about a baby that needed care and we could possibly adopt her. Our hearts knew there was room for one more and the love just multiplies with each child. So here we are announcing our 5th child's presence in my womb. 

Karissa really is praying for a baby sister. She seriously asked everyday and talked about wearing matching outfits. So say a prayer for her to get her sister because I don't know if her heart can take the disappointment. Or pray for her to be happy with another brother if that is what we get. 

Any prayers you could spare for us to be healthy would be great! I feel pretty good right now and I hope it continues, but ask me next week how I am feeling. Yes, last pregnancy was rough and we have prayed about getting pregnant again for a while. We just trust that our Lord knows how much my body can handle and that He will give me strength to carry another little life. :) <3 

Gentle Woman

As May is the month we honor our Blessed Mother, I had it on my heart to finish this post from a while back. I actually only had two sentences down and they had to do with the new year. So I erased them and decided to start it again.
I have always loved sharing my experiences and even more in hopes that someone would find them inspiring. I do not mean inspiring of what I accomplish but of what God accomplishes through me. I have always had a passion for sharing all God does in my life. It is to show that no matter how much we lack, He is there to give us all we need. How this relationship has formed and changed over the years is quite amazing. I never cease to be amazed at how God loves each of us and how we can reciprocate that love with our lives being lived for Him alone. I have always thought of our Blessed Mother as being a beautiful example of living for Him. She was so loved by God that He chose her to carry and bear our Savior. I also love that she gives us women an example of a gentle woman that trusts our Lord with all her heart. She especially demonstrates that gentleness by raising Jesus and doing it at such a young age. Of course we can look at other women in the Bible and Saints that provide a selfless example of love for our Lord. I have always prayed to be a women of prudence and integrity. Often we forget what we pray for ourselves and what the Lord truly wants for us. We get selfish, prideful, and bitter. We look to the world for a definition of how our Lord made us. We want to be strong, independent, and powerful. Not to long ago I shared this picture on Instagram with this caption...

"Karissa wants to be like mommy and journal in her Bible, too. In a time when us women are so pressured to be strong, independent, and powerful. I feel we forget that God made us in His image, as women we identify with God in the spiritual sense. So my hope is for my daughter to find her strength in Christ, to be dependent on God, and know how much power can come from prayer." 

This is truly what I pray and hope to demonstrate to her for how a woman of God should be not one of this world. 

Here is a prayer I wrote based on the fruits of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-25...

Lord, let me put on the fruits of the spirit: love, everyone that surrounds me and those far from me. Joy be with me in all my thoughts and actions. Peace of mind and heart. Long-suffering in all trials and temptations. Kindness to all I encounter this day. Goodness be filled within me and poured out to others. Faithfulness to You and others. Gentleness may it be my first action to others. Self-control in my mind, heart, an body. Christ help me to crucify the passions and desires of my flesh. Let me walk in Your spirit as well as live in it. Amen.  

I wrote it one day reflecting on what the fruits of the spirit were asking of us. As a mother of four children is so hard to always be patient and gentle. We are after all human and fall short daily. I am striving to be that woman of prudence and integrity to be gentle with my family. I know that the Lord desires for us to live out our lives as women with a selfless love for others and to always trust in Him to show us how. 

Parenting troubles

I am finally sitting down to blog about our parenting troubles with our second oldest. It has been something that has always been on going with him. Since he was about 3 years old is when I noticed the little differences in him. I never thought something was "wrong" with him, but always thought what the heck is wrong with me?! The best way to describe him is as intense and affectionate. Now each child is uniquely different and not everything works for each child. Parenting him was exhausting and bewildering.
We did have a big move from southern New Mexico to northern, after his 2nd birthday. Had also just had a new baby and were surrounded by family but not super familiar to him at that time. Now in retrospect it is a lot for anyone to deal with, let alone a young child. With his 6th birthday fast approaching and kinder on the horizon I was more worried about his emotional state. I became really worried when last August we observed some aggressive behavior, uncontrollable crying and tantrums. For a 5 yr. old it seemed too out of character. Now at this point we had another new baby, after an incredibly difficult pregnancy. So things were stressful and we where about to move to a new house again. Most days we would both be crying and exhausted. I was on a daily basis dealing with defiance, meltdowns over clothing texture, withdrawn and aggressive behavior. He also really dislikes crowded places, which made it hard with big brother in school and activities.
I finally took him into our pediatrician to discuss evaluations and check ups. We decided it could be sensory processing issues, so we were referred to a psychologist. He also had been diagnosed with a slight astigmatism back in July 2017 and is still wearing glasses. I was feeling so overwhelmed with the idea of sending him to school and dealing with all that. I needed help and guidance because I was slowly losing my mind. By October we were getting started with evaluations and such. Let me just say discussing how it went is whole other blog post because having a big family is frowned upon in the secular world, especially psychology. We had all the evaluations done by November and had an official diagnosis. The diagnosis we got is not one I even expected and had done no research on. It did help to understand what is going on in his mind and better understand his behaviors. It also helped us not feel like we were parenting horribly.
He received a diagnosis of gifted with anxiety. At the time of receiving it ,we really didn't understand except the anxiety part what it meant. I am barely beginning to research and read about it. I focused on the anxiety part, I guess to help him overcome anxieties little by little. He has been going to play therapy since October 2017 and it is going great. We can definitely see a difference in his whole being, really. He engages more and would you know there are not a million meltdowns a day.
I was taking it month by month to decide if we would home-school all the kids. Part of my own mother anxiety was to send him in August to a big school with new adults, a huge amount of children, and lots of activity and transitions. I knew we had to decide based on what is best for him and our school here is great. There just is not enough budget to allow smaller classroom sizes and more one on one. As an educator I am a critic for it, especially as a mother and knowing how each child really does need very different things from one to another. Every month I would ask him if he was ready and excited about school, he would answer no not yet. I didn't feel like his growth to be ready was coming fast enough. After so much prayer and discussions we decided to home-school. We have always discussed and prayed about the idea of home-schooling once our oldest was school aged. Our oldest was in public school until February of this year. I just finally said, lets do it! I am at peace with this decision, now I don't have the looming August is when he would go to school anxiety. I feel like he is at ease too and learning so much now!
That is an update on some of why we are home-schooling and some why to lack of updates on his particular learning. He is just a different child and he is extraordinary!!!

Here he is lining up all their Shining Light Dolls along with their prayer booklets. 

Breastfeeding my babies

Here is a quote I found on Pinterest that I liked,"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm just telling you it will be worth it."
I never really had an opinion about breastfeeding before I had children. I just had not thought about it, but figured I would formula feed my babies. Then when we got married and knew we wanted children, I began to think about it. So I researched what would be best for baby and I. To be honest my first interest in breastfeeding was because of how expensive formula was. I talked to people that were breastfed and/or breastfeeding their children. Which taught me that it had benefits for both baby and mommy. My mom did not breastfeed us because no one ever really told her about it and those that did said formula was better. So I believe in educating yourself about it. Also for others to share their experiences helps, too! Anyone that knows me well knows I love sharing my experiences good or bad. It helps me feel better by sharing most of my experiences good or bad. Every child I breastfed has been so different, but it was nice knowing what to expect and how to seek help. I love the connection we feel when nursing them it is like nothing else I have ever lived.
I have breastfeed all four my children and still breastfeeding baby Michael. I never would have known how awesome breastfeeding was unless I really tried. Not all my experiences have been the same. With our oldest I had to pump at first because he was on oxygen and feeding tube due to the meconium aspiration. I was not able to nurse him for the first 3 days after his birth. Our second nursed well from the start and still our best eater to date. Our sweet little girl was born at 36 weeks and had the tiniest mouth. She had a hard time latching on correctly and a nipple shield finally did wonders. I nursed her the longest, up until her second birthday. Our youngest and current baby boy has definitely been my hardest. He had a weird latch from the beginning which we figured out was a lip tie. Then after that first month he was colicky and was finally diagnosed with reflux. It was so miserable to not be able to comfort and soothe a newborn by breastfeeding. With all the right care medically and going dairy free, we are still breastfeeding strong and he is almost 11 months. I don't really know if he will nurse past a year we shall see. So that is all my breastfeeding experience in short summaries.
So if you don't know if you can breastfeed your baby. My advice is research, research, and find support. You do not know if it will work until you try, our bodies are pretty amazing to say the least and I believe you can do anything you try!

My dad gave me this awesome shirt!

Some anti-slip socks for wearing after having baby Michael!

Michael in his booby beanie for World Breastfeeding Week! 

Michael David's Birth Story Part 2

Disclaimer bodily fluids.
I had started getting stronger contractions since June 3rd and was relieved we were going to be induced the next day. I was a little nervous about it, just cause we were making him come out. Overall though I had a peace about the situation and my body was telling it was time. I was also super excited to finally meet my baby boy!
We left a little late and got checked into the hospital at about 11:30 am on June 4th, 2017. We met our nurses and had two because one was training. The midwife came in to talk with us about what to start and check my cervix. We were excited to hear I was almost at 6 cm, 80% effaced, -1 station and anterior. She suggested trying pitocin to start contractions more before breaking my bag of waters. I agreed with that and said I was ready. Once the nurses got my IV in and started some fluids. By 12:30 pm my pitocin was going and I could start to feel them coming. My contractions don't feel any different when on pit except they are longer. Of course our pain management plan was breathing techniques and relaxing. Lucas is such a great coach and support! I was munching on ice and having him read me this really awesome birth affirmation with scriptures I found on pinterest.

I also offer up my pain for people needing prayer. It is just something that helps me to focus on others suffering so I don't feel sorry for myself or let the pain control my emotions.
Every hour the nurse would come and up my pitocin which only happened once. They had not raised the dose again because during each contraction his heart rate would go down. It was like that for an hour and we figured out the monitor was not close enough to my belly because I would lean in when I would get a contraction. His heart rate would actually go up during a contraction. Once we could monitor his heart rate for a bit she was going to come and raise the pitocin. I labored on a birthing ball for about an hour. The nurses were at lunch, when my contractions started to pick up and really get longer. I was really feeling nauseous by now and needed to go to the bathroom. I was really starting to get tired and thinking I should ask for something. I know my body and my mind goes there when I get close but we had not been there long at all. I didn't think it was time for him to come. Once I got back in bed our midwife came in and said she would be breaking my bag of waters, that was around 2 pm. I had a few more contractions and at 2:45 pm in the middle of probably the strongest contraction I had felt thus far, in the silence of my breathing there came a pop! Like a balloon just popped in the room. Lucas said to me what was that?! I continued to breath and in between said I think it was my water. He looked under the blanket and said oh no the fluid looks green.
We then called the nurses, our training nurse and one from triage came to check. They said definitely your bag of waters and it looks like some meconium. Call the NICU and let them know. I got another short contraction and told her I felt pressure. She said it was normal since my water broke. I got a little frustrated because this is not my first rodeo and that feels like a baby is about to come kind of pressure. So off went the nurses. I got another contraction where I felt a ton of fluid rush out and told Lucas go get the midwife he is coming out! He ran out and I turned to my side because that helps me not feel the urge to push. I sent a quick prayer that I would not be alone when he came out. Lucas came in and said there they come. Our nurses came in first and I told them please hurry he is coming. Midwife came in and said let me check you. Once on my back I could feel his head right there. They saw the pad had fluid and definitely meconium. Looked at me and said well he is coming. Everyone started rushing around getting everything ready. I had already began trembling as I do right before I have my babies. Quickly got the plastic pad under me and said on the next contraction push if you are ready. Haha, so ready lady! It hit me and the urge to push was so overwhelming. Out came his head and told try not to push because he had the umbilical cord wrapped twice around his little neck. I tried to hold him but he just slid on out anyway. At 3:02 pm on June 4th our little baby boy came to be with us, finally.
Hurried to untangle him and sent him with the NICU nurses. Finally heard him cry and was relieved! I was about to deliver my placenta and they said he looked good.

By then I was really trembling from head to toe. I didn't need any stitches which surprised me considering how fast he came out. Got cleaned up a bit and they brought him over to me.

This face is one of excitement mixed with complete shock!

My sweet baby Michael.

Love me some skin to skin!

We had planned to have my mother in law and sister in law be present for his birth, but they didn't make it. So they arrived bearing gifts for us! 

Daddy finally holding his boy!

Michael David

So exhausted from the quick birth he had.

Our little birthday cupcake Grama Georgie brought!

Michael David's Birth Story Part 1

Disclaimer of bodily fluids mentioned.
Our due date was June 11, 2017. I had been dealing with preterm contractions since 26 weeks. After 7 weeks of figuring out what would start contractions and irritate my uterus, my midwife suggested trying a topical natural progesterone cream. It was very rough those 7 weeks because I was in so much pain which made it emotionally difficult. Once it came in, I was already 34 weeks along. It did work wonderfully though and I was able to get a break from being in pain at least until 37 weeks when I could stop the cream. I didn't stop applying it until almost 38 weeks, but the contractions started coming again.
At my 36 week appointment on May 16th, I was 1cm dilated, 60% effaced, his head was at -2 station, and my cervix was anterior. The midwife said that was typical for how far along I was and given it is my fourth pregnancy. Also told me, my platelets were dropping again which required a blood draw every week until I delivered. I went home comfortably knowing it was not quite time yet, but worried my platelets were dropping. Continued contracting again for five more days and that night felt him shift downward more into my pelvis. The next day had so much back pain and pressure in my pelvis. On May 23rd had contractions on and off all day took tylenol at night and applied heat to my back which helped me sleep. This was Ezekiel's birthday our second son, but I carried on his little celebration plans. We went to daily Mass to pray for him and got a special blessing from Father for labor. On the 24th contracting a bit during the day, but in the late evening started getting consistent, strong contractions. We went into labor and delivery that night. We had been having great nurses in triage until this night, she was just not that great. When she checked me she said I was closed and firm. Claimed I was dehydrated and sent us home. I was not able to sleep very well, because when we left I was still contracting lots. I had an appointment the next day, which was great because I was still contracting. I asked my midwife if your cervix can close back up because according to that nurse I was. She said no you can't and when she checked me I was 3 cm dilated, 70% effaced, -2 station, and anterior cervix. She stripped my membranes to get things going because I was in a lot of pain. My platelets had gone up from last week, so that was great news! Heard the prodromal labor term again and knew I had to just hang in there. The next day my mucus plug came out in the morning, still contracting. By 12pm they had been coming consistently and had gotten stronger for 4 hours. We left to Albuquerque at 1pm, got a little break from the contractions for five minutes in between and got some food down. As we got closer the contractions started to space out a bit, so I pleaded with Lucas to stop at Ross which is right next door to our hospital. We got down, went to the bathroom where I had three contractions and then they started up again. We walked around just looking and I began to really get them. We found a cool mug and some candy to buy. The line was quite long so we decided if I couldn't wait we would just leave. I made it, barely, lol. Got into triage at 2:50pm and had to wait for a bed to open up. Still getting contractions and checked to be the same as the day before, this nurse noticed the bloody show. So she had us walk around for an hour and get checked again. She was an awesome nurse and so grateful we had her. We walked the hospital for an hour, ate some dinner and went to get checked. I was now a 4 cm, but still 70% effaced. Went walking some more, came back and was then checked by the midwife on call. Still the same, so off to walk for another hour. I was beginning to get tired and still getting contractions. After the hour we went back up and she checked again. Still the same other than his head at a -1 station, talked a bit about what to do. Decided to just go home and rest. The next day still contracting and had more bloody show.
On the 28th went in again to triage cause I thought my water broke and was having really strong contractions. No water broken and still not much to do, so sent home again. We decided to hang around Albuquerque went to breakfast and Mass, since it was Sunday. Continued contracting during Mass and after. We just went on home since they were not that close together. Still kept contracting on and off until my next appointment on June 1st. We had discussed inducing at 39 weeks before and thought I would not still be pregnant by then. There I was at 38 weeks 4 days saying I want to be induced right at 39 weeks. I could not take anymore trips laboring to the hospital only to be sent home again. We asked everything we needed to about being induced. I had a favorable cervix and have had to be augmented with every pregnancy with pitocin, so we figured why not. We scheduled it for Sunday June 4, 2017 at 11am. I felt relieved to have a plan in motion, especially since my parents were planning to drive up to be with the kids.
The weekend came quickly and I was trying to finish up things around the house. Still continued contracting on and off, which made it difficult to be fully rested. My parents left Sunday morning to be here by the time we had to leave for the hospital, it is a 5 hour drive for them. We had the car packed up with all our bags and things we needed.
Once my parents got here we gave them the instructions for their allergy medications, how to turn on the TV, and money for some happy meals. Gave all the kids hugs and kisses we were off to have our 4th baby! Part 2 coming soon!!

One last belly bump shot! 39 weeks

Our family excited to meet baby #4!

Karissa helping me labor, but I had to rub her back, lol.

The kids sibling bags!

Birth Announcement Baby #4

Presenting 

Michael David Hibler

Born: June 4th, 2017

Weight: 7 lbs. 1 oz. 

Height: 20" long

Birth story to come soon! Thanks for all the prayers and love!!!! :) <3