Abuse is not love...Part 1

*This post is very personal, and serious. I hope it is informative on how healthy relationships should be and how to seek help. Here are some websites to check out: www.loveisnotabuse.com, www.breakthecycle.org, and  www.joyfulhearfoundation.org. *

First, I looked up the definition to the words abuse and love. Abuse- to use wrongly or improperly; misuse. To treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way. To speak insultingly, harshly, and in-justly to or about; revile; malign. To commit sexual assault upon. To deceive or mislead. Love- strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Warm attachment, enthusiasm, devotion, or admiration. Unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. 
Two very different meanings and while you could feel love, abuse should not be the way it is ever expressed. I was thinking that some people, those close to me know what I experienced, but most do not know to what extent. At first I thought it wouldn't be difficult to write about it, but it has been. I think in part because I can't believe I let this person in my life and gave so much power to one person. I have healed a lot through the years, mostly in the first year after it happened because I allowed the Lord to do the healing and amazing things have happened in my life!! I also was encouraged to write about it because many young people are in abusive relationships and need guidance for what a healthy relationship should be. There are different resources out there to help bring awareness and help for those suffering from abuse.
To start I will begin with the fact that I was young, hopeful, and naive. I was 19 years old, had just graduated high school a year before and searching for my life calling. Isn't every 19 year old in search of a career choice, love, and fun?! I had decided to attend these Bible study classes at an extension Bible College Campus at the Christian non-denominational church I was attending at the time. I also met a guy in one of these classes, that had recently began to attend church there. At this time I was very passionate and zealous for sharing the good news of Christ with any willing ear, hence the openness I had towards people. Back to "the guy" he was an acquaintance with friends I had known for many years. This is were it began...
I got a call from some "guy" from church, I had never given him my number or anything. He asked the friend we both knew for my number and her seeing no harm she obliged. He asked questions about our class we had together. From then on began an awkward relationship that would be my most difficult. To be honest I was not attracted to him for any particular characteristic. I just thought let's date a bit and see how it goes, since your Christian and I am too.

Part 2 coming soon!! 

Pregnancy update...motherhood update!!!

I thought I would do a pregnancy update to let you know how everything is going. It was short I promise and then after our ultrasound, my heart had to share this part of my journey with this new baby.
 I am gaining weight finally, no more morning sickness!! I am healthy and have a growing bulge, lol!! Baby is looking good, except her head is measuring a little small. We usually have 3D ultrasounds done because of my sister with microcephaly. They did not refer us this time because there is only one in town and they have stopped sending patients there. So our option was to drive 4 hours away to one, but we declined. We never do the amniocentesis tests and could do without the 3D ultrasound, but now I want the 3D ultrasound just so give me peace of mind and heart that she might just have a smaller head compared to her big headed brothers! I am truthfully not fearful of a child with microcephaly, just worried about being able to provide a fulfilling and healthy life for our little baby girl. Plus, knowing already how much energy it takes to raise a child with special needs, I think what if we can't!! My parents have done an excellent job to the best of their abilities to raise my sister, so I know we would have lots of support!! Its just the unknown things such as if she does have it how severe and how developed is her brain, etc. So many prayers for us as we wait for news and trust that God has a huge amazing plan for our family no matter the circumstances!!! :)
I was able to get encouragement from my amazing mother in law and she told me about Saint Gianna Beretta Molla, to read about her life check out this website, www.saintgianna.org. It was good to read her prayer and reflections because lets be honest what expecting mother does not worry and freak a little about their unborn child. So here are a few of her reflections: "Whatever God wants." "When one does one's own duty, one must not be concerned, because God's help will not be lacking." "One cannot love without suffering or suffer without loving." These little reflections really spoke to my heart and really humbled me. Then her prayer spoke even more to me:

"Jesus, I promise You to submit myself to all that You permit befall me, make me only know Your will. My most sweet Jesus, infinitely merciful God, most tender Father of souls, and in a particular way of the most weak, most miserable, most infirm which You carry with special tenderness between Your divine arms, I come to You to ask You, through the love and merits of Your Sacred Heart, the grace to comprehend and to do always Your holy will, the grace to confide in You, the grace to rest securely through time and eternity in Your loving divine arms." 

No matter how much older I get God continually has lessons for my heart and I cannot forget to surrender it so He can work them through and grow me into that woman of prudent integrity I always ask to become daily. Just had to share this because at some point in our lives we forget how God calls us to surrender to Him and courageously ask for His will in everything. Even if it may not make sense at the time there is always a bigger plan He has in store for us, we simply have to trust Him and know that someday it will make complete sense.   

Now to continue with the pregnancy update, feeling movement since 14 weeks and now, it is fun to feel more and more because it reminds me that yes I am pregnant with our 3rd baby. Worries about going through labor, only that for some reason I won't be able to go naturally medicine free. I guess I feel this way because this pregnancy has been my hardest so far and it may be my hardest delivery. I do know, I am praying I will not have to be induced for any reason and that this time we actually get to our due date, lol. Being I am due on spring break and my husband will be student teaching, I hope for sanity's sake we can hold out until then!! We will see when this baby is ready and makes an appearance.
How will I mange once there are three munchkins?! I don't know, lol!!! Any suggestions? No, truthfully as everyone says children change your life, even after two children the dynamics changed, so guess what they will change again. All I know is lots of prayer, love, support, and strength is what I need. To be honest after Ezekiel was born it was only chaotic for the first two months, lol, then it became blissful. So my children bring me blissful chaos and I love every minute of it!!! I do know poor baby must already wonder how many little people are out there?! Lol, from all the noise, bumps, and pressure she must feel at times. So that is it for now!! :) <3

 Oh  here is my belly at 19 weeks 4 days

Isn't my little pumpkin cute?!!!

Happy Halloween!! 

And Baby #3 is...

We were so excited to find out what gender this little munchkin was!! Finally knowing always helps get me through the last months of pregnancy. Plus, we have names picked out already and I love to call them by name!! So this is Karissa Kay Hibler!!!

We always look at the meanings of names because it is with you forever. This little baby's name is, Karissa: loving; Kay: pure. I never care to share before they are born because its our choice and people better get used to it!! 

Thoughts on death and LIFE

Lately, I have been thinking about death, weird right, but mainly because I had a dream I became ill and died. Of course it freaked me out not because I am afraid of dying, but a little mainly because my family. The idea of getting to rest eternally with my God is exciting, but not a good idea yet if my children are still young. So here are my thoughts on death, it can be a beautiful part of our journey. We aren't meant to be immortal. It is unknown what happens when we die, but I have faith that God will be there waiting. "....Be faithful until death and I will give you the crown of life." Revelations 2:10, here is one of my favorite from one of the gospels, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he die, he shall live." John 11:25
It also got me thinking about all I want our children to know about the Lord. So much to teach and so little time, lol!! The most important thing is that they know, understand, and live that Jesus Christ loves them so much He surrendered His life so that they could live eternally. This is how I would sum it up for them and you, "Christ loves us so much that He gave Himself as an ultimate sacrifice so we could live. It may seem at times in our lives that we definitely do not deserve such love, but it is through His grace that we need to humbly and with all our hearts except it, know it, and most importantly live our lives in surrender to Him. With this wisdom and openness of heart God can do mighty things for you always because you are His and He is your's!!! My children love God with all your heart, mind, and strength because apart from Him it is not a life worth living!!!!!" :) <3

10 Best things about being pregnant

For me these are things I could think of that mean a lot or just me being a little vain, lol:
1. I pray a lot already, but being pregnant just makes me draw closer to Jesus, cause let's face it what expecting mother shouldn't.
2. I love how special and important it makes me feel.
3. Getting spoiled by my husband that is to list a few: he will get whatever I am craving (if it is safe); does my toes if necessary, with both our boys he did my toe nails once I couldn't bend over; cooks something if I have a bout of nausea; tells me I am very beautiful everyday (when expecting it is important to know someone believes your beautiful); and much, much more!!!
4. Having an excuse to "need" a pedicure treat at a salon. :)
5. Love shopping, so being pregnant definitely gives you that excuse. (My favorite places to shop are: Saver's, Target, and Ross)
6. Being able to crave things and not seem like your just fat, lol. I know I am the least fat person, but if I was not a mutant I swear I would be fat!!
7. Gain weight and it totally be okay, because come on your growing another little person (even though I hardly gain weight, for once I am over 110 lbs.) and really all baby!!
8. I love that every time I have been expecting it helps motivate me and our family goals, nothing like little children keeping you on your toes! ;)
9. Love feeling baby movement, hearing their hearts beat, and seeing their little bodies in ultrasounds.
10. Last but not least, the privilege of carrying a little person is like a piece of heaven!! The honor you feel that the Lord entrusted you not only to carry the baby for 9 months, but care for them, is so immense. Yes, even when laboring them to be born. Its like the Lord gave us women that little suffering, which in perspective is a lot, lol, but when compared to the suffering He endured on the cross for us it is but a mere whip. I believe that is when we women know and understand how unconditionally one could love another human being no matter what they are or will become!! :) <3

Big news for our family!!!

So for all that do not know NFP awareness week starts next week July 21-July 27! For us it is the method we use to achieve and avoid pregnancies in a healthy way not only physically but most importantly spiritually!!! We have done it since we become husband and wife, it truly is such a blessing for our marriage. With that said here is the big news...

Yes, we are pregnant with baby #3, due late March 2014!!!!! We are are super excited and nervous at the same time! I am 4 weeks and for me it is never too soon to share the news. I love to ask for lots of prayers and it is always in the Lord's hands!! I am already getting full fledged cravings and morning sickness as well. Oh yes, to clarify now yes we most definitely planned this baby as well as the boys! It is always a joy to decide to achieve a pregnancy and more so to trust that God ultimately has a divine plan for our lives. So to make it short and sweet, many prayers are always appreciated!!! :)

Becoming a Godmother!

In May we were asked to be Godparents to a precious baby girl of our dear friends and compadres (Lukrik's Godparents). Since we became parents, we know how special Godparents are to children because it takes so much energy to raise them: emotionally, physically, mentally, and especially spiritually, having extra support is much needed! I was so happy and honored to be chosen to be their extra support to help them raise their little darling girl. So happy because I get to be part of a little life  without the bearing and feeding, lol!! It truly is such a blessing to be supportive, it helps keep me in line, too! Also, it encourages me knowing there are people truly blessed by choosing to bring to life a precious little miracle of God's creation!!!!

Little A and Nina!! 

So precious!!! :)