NFP for our marriage 2

Since it is NFP awareness week thought I would share how it looks for our marriage. We have used the Creighton Model NaProEducation Technology for 10 years. 

Before we got married, 10 years ago, I never even considered birth control as part of how we would have children or not have children to be more correct. Even back in 2008 when I was having issues menstruating regularly and my doctor recommended taking birth control, I didn't. Part of me always knew it was not natural for my body to be on synthetic hormones. My doctor said it could help alleviate my painful cysts I was getting and help regulate my period. I didn't dismiss it completely but really wondered if this was my only option. So I just carried on and suffered through.
Fast forward to spring 2009 about two months before we got married. When we found a Creighton Method instructor. She was in El Paso, Texas at the time and we drove 45 minutes for all our appointments. She worked with your income as far as payment, we were still college students. We paid a total of $100 plus gas for traveling to follow up appointments. A life time investment for our marriage that is priceless.  We really enjoyed this time of learning about charting because it was a Catholic woman teaching us, it was actually more spiritual of a marriage prep then our actual in church marriage prep. Which is vital for the Sacrament of Marriage. We understood what my body was doing and how to pray accordingly each month on achieving or avoiding a pregnancy those first months as a married couple. It helped make our communication strong and open. I know I often viewed my cycles with hate before understanding my fertility. Now I see that my body is pretty awesome and I know what is happening with it every month. When I don't know I have a book that helps explain things such as hormonal issues that may be occurring. I always viewed my cycle with dread and shame, but learning about what my body was doing helped me change that perspective. It helped me value my fertility and understand what a great gift it is. As a person that values women and their bodies, learning about your fertility is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.
I wanted to share a practical view on how NFP works for us. The Creighton Model Method we use has a term for how to better your marriage perspective, it is the SPICE acronym for spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative/communicative, and emotional/psychological. This practice helps us have a better dialogue, mutual respect for each other, shared responsibility, and self-control and self-mastery. Here is a quote from our Creighton Model FertilityCare System book by Dr. Thomas Hilgers, "Furthermore, it considers fertility as a part of health and not disease. In the current contraceptive culture in which we live, human fertility is viewed mostly from the point of view of a disease. The contraception, sterilization and abortion programs that dominate family planning choices all rely upon either suppressing or destroying the procreative capability. But with the Creighton Model System, it is through knowledge and understanding of the cycle of the woman and eventually the fertility cycle of the couple. When fertility is observed as a part of health rather than a part of disease, it is seen as a friend, not an enemy; it is seen as something that is good and not a burden; it is viewed as something to be worked with rather than opposed. It leads to a respect for the body of the spouse." With that said I will take you through each of the SPICE terms and explain how we make it work for us.
Spiritual is the first term on it so of course prayer is important for us as a married couple. We have evolved our prayer life individually as well as a couple. We also had to figure out how to add our children. Prayer for us is huge! It is so powerful and a way to communicate with God. We have learned how to be in tune to each others needs spiritually. For example Lucas just attended the Steubenville West in Tucson with our Parish's youth. It was not easy for me to be alone with all the kids for the weekend (cheated by having Grama come over Saturday and Sunday), but I knew that it would be good for him to go with students from his Confirmation class. It helped him renew his passion for music and teaching Confirmation again. Another thing is that our children see that being spiritual and close to our Lord is important to us. The best example is that we go to Mass together as a family, unless sick. It is the greatest thing you can do for your children, to bring them to Christ. Spiritual is probably our most nurtured area.
Physical is next. First of all I am not a very physically affectionate person to begin with. That being said, it is something that is part of every person. To be physically close to people is important as well. It helps nurture a relationship to show affection physically. So I have definitely learned how to be open to it, especially becoming a mother, lol. For our marriage it is hard to find that middle ground. Lucas is more physically affectionate for sure, it is actually his top love language (more about that later). Now obviously understanding the difference between what this method calls arousal or affirming touch helps to determine whether you will achieve or avoid a pregnancy that month. In other words, yes there are times we have to abstain from the act of intercourse. To be honest it is not that much time that you have to abstain. I hear a lot of couples say it is really hard to abstain. We have to be creative and considerate of one another because of our love for one another. If we are finding it hard then we need to pray more about how our family is growing and whether now is a good time for more children. Pray for self-control and to be responsible about our choices. If it was really hard and we just went with how we felt all the time, we probably would have double the amount of children we have now, lol. So for us our physical relationship is pretty great and creative. You just have to find other ways to be intimate physically  besides intercourse.
Intellectual is really a cool component. As lovers of learning and growing this method has helped nurture that part of us. We have to be smart about our choices. In other words we have to be constantly evaluating whether we are achieving or avoiding a pregnancy every month. It keeps things real and we have perspective on how things are going for our family. It actually takes thinking about what we are doing. For example after we had our daughter, we had a 3 year gap before trying to achieve a pregnancy. We had just moved cities for a job and had to get used to that move. We were not in a great place financially to grow our family. This is a time when it was hard to abstain at fertile times because we wanted more children, but financially couldn't. So you can see how it helps you grow intellectually to use this method.
Creative/communicative has been mentioned here and there in the others. We got a better understanding of how to communicate our love creatively by learning each other's love language. We read a book called, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It really changed our marriage for the better by understanding that each person has a love language they speak. It seriously was a game changer for us to better nurture our relationship. Being married is not easy by any means, so having an understanding that we each show love differently really helped. It also helped us gain perspective of the other's way to express love. My top love language is acts of service and Lucas' is physical touch. The book gives great tips on how to nurture each love language and fill that love tank. For example when I am feeling an empty love tank, Lucas simply throwing out the trash or doing dishes is huge for me. Lucas' love tank can be filled with a simple affirming hug or back rub. These are also examples of how to be creative with our physical relationship. Of course being free to discuss things that bother you and not feel shame in expressing those feelings.
Emotional/psychological is important for any relationship. It is good to be able to express your feelings openly and not be criticized. In a marriage it takes balance to achieve this. For example we don't get to have date nights often, especially now with five kiddos, but we have to find time to talk. Often we stay up after everyone is sleeping to talk or just cuddle uninterrupted. We obviously are not perfect, so this one is probably the one that is often neglected the most. One thing we started doing is writing each other love notes. When we were dating and engaged that was one big show of love. So we made a digital note on our phones that has letters back and forth. We don't have to respond to each and every note, but just getting to express our love through writing helps and it has always been something we enjoy doing. We also have a synced calendar so we know what is going on in the other one's day. Little things like this help keep our emotions in check and considerate of one another. 
So these things are how NFP works in our marriage. Even though we are far from perfect we have been happily married for 10 years. We believe NFP is the best choice for every marriage because it helps us to be healthy, holy and of course happy. So whether you do or don't use any form of NFP, I challenge you to ask yourself why or why not. If you do use it reflect back on why you choose it to begin with. If you don't use it, what have you got to lose? Don't pass up something that can empower you individually and enhance your marriage. May the Lord bless your marriages and help you to be truly free, faithful, fruitful, and total!! <3:)

 Lucas and I for our 10th Wedding Anniversary

June 13, 2019

Our family along with Father Leon, Grama Georgie*, and Auntie Becky*(included with our sleeping youngest)

Gregory Ellis' Birth Story part 2

Here is part 2 of his birth story. If you have not read part 1 go here.

The contractions started pretty quickly after having the Cervadil inserted. I thought I would get to sleep. My sister in laws even set up the couch bed to rest on. I got that first one, then a minute later another and another. My body responded pretty quick to the medication. Remember how I am sensitive to medications, well this was no different. After 20 minutes of contractions every minute my body began to tremble. I could not control it at all and my whole body was shaking tons. I felt nauseous and horrible so we called the nurse in to ask if this was a normal reaction. She responded it was, but Gregory's heart began accelerating so they put me on oxygen. She also came back with some Zofran for the nausea. She left and I continued shaking through each contraction. My sister in laws were a little worried, you could see it on their faces. I had to hold both of Lucas' hands to help me not feel so out of control with the shaking. I labored with 1 minute apart contractions and shaking for an hour. Our midwife and nurse came in to check me. At 11pm they took out the Cervadil to give me a break and get Gregory's heart rate down a bit. I was now at a 3cm and 70% effaced. They also decided to wait on starting Pitocin because his heart rate was so high. Also started my IV with fluids and turned me on my side to see if he would calm down. As soon as that darn Cervadil came out my body relaxed and stopped shaking. It felt good to not be shaking like that anymore. I continued having contractions but with a bit more space between them, thankfully. Now I was able to sleep a bit and rest in between contractions. Around 2am my water broke and we called the nurse quickly. She came in and checked me to be at 4cm and 80% effaced. Flipped me to my other side and rested for an hour when I felt some pressure. She came in again and checked me to be at 6cm and still 80% effaced. Got up to the bathroom and came back to rest. They still were not doing Pitocin because my body was already laboring on it's own. This is a first for me to be in labor without Pitocin. It was definitely different and more bearable. Around 4:45am I felt a lot of pressure and began to cry because I was so exhausted. The nurse came in and checked me at 7cm and 100% effaced. The midwife came in then as well and they discussed having me try some IV pain relief. I didn't want it, so the nurse suggested laughing gas. I agreed to try because I wanted relief, this is usually a sign it is getting close but didn't really say anything. I forget how I become right before they are born. Lucas usually will say you are probably almost there just wait it out, but he knew how exhausted I was so kept quiet.
It takes awhile to set up the machine that pumps the gas. At this point I felt him coming down. I know laying on my side helps me not push but this time it didn't matter. She had just set up the machine and on the next contraction I had to put the huge mask to my face. I don't feel like it did anything because I had the sudden urge to push. I threw the mask in Lucas' hand and began panting. I yelled at the nurse, "I have to push and he is right there." She just said, "Use the mask and breathe." But I yelled again, "I am pushing." I did and could feel his head there ready to come out. I looked at Lucas like he is there and no one is in here for him. I seem to have this fear of birthing my babies without a midwife present and now with this baby it was fear of no NICU team there. She then called the midwife immediately and said, "Get on your back so I can check you." I said, "No cause he will come out." At that time another nurse was there and just lifted my leg she checked and said, "Yup, his head is right there! Okay, just breath it is okay." They began quickly shuffling around to get everything ready. I stayed on my back until the midwife came in and they put the plastic under me. She then said I could get on my back and push when I was ready. They were trying to get his heart beat on the monitor. She then said, "It is okay to push Krystle." I still couldn't get my head in the game. Then Gregory must have needed to be born because I had to push. I pushed three times, his head was big, lol. At 5:27am on April 18th, 2019 he was born! A no crying, bluish baby was placed on my belly. Sweet relief, but I knew he needed help. His head was all cone shaped, poor him. I have never had a cone headed baby, lol. They clamped his cord and cut to get him to the warming bed. They still let his cord pulse for longer before Lucas cut it. The Neonatalist took good care of him and got him breathing. They let me hold him for about 10 minutes, but could not feed him. I knew he needed to go because he was grunting still. So with tears in my eyes and kisses I let him go. Daddy went with him to the NICU and I stayed to get cleaned up. He weighed 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 20.5" long.

 Getting cleaned up and checked out.

 Daddy cutting his cord.

 My baby looking more pink and crying a little.

 Getting to hold him before going to the NICU.

 So relieved to see him and hold him.

 He needed oxygen right away.

 His board in his NICU bed.

So he had a cardio echo gram and they still couldn't see if a coarctation was present. His aorta did look narrow still. He would have another echo the next day. He had to be monitored with 4 point blood pressure checks every 3-6 hours. He was not allowed to eat anything, so he had an IV placed with fluids and sugar. He was having levels of gases checked in his blood stream every few hours as well. This could indicate that there was a heart problem if they went too high. It was great he was so well cared for. Our nurse we had for most of his days there was amazing!

This is my colostrum I got pumping the first time! Liquid gold!!

 Poor baby had to have a tube inserted to get air that was in his tummy. He also had a central line placed in his umbilical cord.

 Little cutie could not be moved from his bed still.

 Daddy's first time holding him was Saturday night April 20th.

 Finally got to feed him because his oxygen was off! He had another echo and it still revealed a narrowing but no coarctation. So no transfer needed at this point which was awesome.

 Full of milk!

 He was in bed 7, our favorite number!

 He finally got a bath and our nurse gave him a mo-hawk.

 Received this blanket from this group and I was crying. I was so emotional at this point. His blood sugars had to be good enough to get off the lipids he was receiving through his line. He also started to have high bilirubin levels.

 Another successful nursing. He was doing good and still had a lactation consultant come by because I suspected a lip tie. Also he was not staying latched the first day, but I always forget the first day nursing they have struggles because they have to learn how to do it.

 His little blood pressure cuff.

 His central line and heart monitor cords. His blood sugars were looking good so his central line came out Monday April 22nd. He also no longer needed to be in the warming bed.

 It was so exhausting sleeping in the tiny couch bed, but they graciously let me stay there. The first night I got no sleep because the beeping machines and crying babies. The NICU is one big area with only curtains separating beds. It was so hard emotionally for me. All the families that have babies in the NICU are champions. It is the most difficult thing ever! I was only there for a week, but others have been there for months. My heart was definitely grateful for all our answered prayers and I began to offer my little suffering for all the families there. On an especially difficult day when I was so exhausted and missing my family at home another family suffered a loss. Their baby was born really early and she couldn't breathe on her own. That day everyone in the NICU was frantic because her lungs were hemorrhaging. She was not going to make it and that night when the parents came in the NICU was so silent. Not even the babies were crying that much, it was so weird. Anyways our bed was just two away from theirs so I could hear everything happening. I will never forget hearing that poor mother cry for her child. It was the most heartbreaking thing ever! They sang to her and prayed over her. I remember waking up cause Gregory was hungry. I just fed him, prayed and cried too. I still keep them in my prayers because the loss they suffered and heart ache they probably still have is too much. I share this because there I was complaining about the couch bed and lack of sleep yet I could hold my baby and he was almost going home. It was a lesson I needed to be grateful for all our blessings and to really pray for those in the NICU. It is a different world in there for families and without the amazing medical care all the staff provides it would not be so bearable. So thanks to their caring hearts and hard work for all those babies and their families!! 

On Monday's echo it revealed no coarctation still and now the narrowing was not there. It is truly a miracle and healing he had. We asked for intercession through the Sacred Heart of Jesus and he answered!

 Gregory getting ready to go home on April 24th.

 Selfie with my baby!

We were so excited to go home to all the family and so I could sleep in my bed!!

Thanks again to all those that helped provide food for my kiddos, money for me to eat at the hospital, and especially the prayers!!!! A huge thank you to my parent in laws whom took care of the kiddos for us!!! We are so grateful for all the support and love!!! Thanks to our Lord for all his provision through all of it and for allowing us to get to love this sweet baby boy!!!!!! :)<3

Gregory Ellis' Birth Story Part 1

Finally getting around to writing down Gregory's birth story. It still is so amazing how different each birth experience is and so grateful for that.

Starting March 6th, I began contracting pretty frequently and strong too. I was currently 33 weeks and 2 days at the time. We went in to labor and delivery triage. They checked if I was dehydrated and blood pressure was fine. I was checked for dilation and there was none. Offered to give me terbutaline to stop the contractions. I had some when I was pregnant with Ezekiel at 34 weeks. It is not a fun experience, I remember feeling heart palpitations and Ezekiel was moving weird. So I told the nurse we would think about it and she left. After a while she came back and asked if we had decided. I refused to take it because of the way it effected me last time. I tend to be extra sensitive to medications and react to them instantly. She had the doctor come in and check me. He also discussed what that medication could do and not taking it was totally my decision. We were discharged and went home. I was still contracting, but it was more bearable. I continued this way for 3 days. I know that resting, hydration, and magnesium help. This time it didn't seem to be doing much, so just trying to get through them and pray for strength.
I was doing pretty good and not getting too many. A family tragedy happened and we lost a cousin. I grew up with her and hearing she had suddenly passed was so hard. It was so heart breaking and shocking. We were the same age and she was like a sister to me. I knew it would not help my already delicate situation. It was difficult because my family was so far away and not being able to be with them was difficult. So I tried not to think about it that much to not get worse. Even though death is a part of life that doesn't make it easy to accept. With many prayers and love we all got through it.
At 34 weeks we had another ultrasound to check on growth. He was measuring at 5 lbs. 11 oz. and everything looked normal, except his heart. They were seeing his heart valves different sizes. We were then referred to a pediatric cardiologist. It made us worry and stress a lot. I finally had an echo cardiogram done at 35 weeks. It showed that his pulmonary valve was dilated and the aortic artery was narrow. She suggested delivery there at their hospital, but later found out we could deliver at our hospital. He had to have an echo as soon as he was born. He would also be in the NICU for monitoring. I was still contracting this week and continued until 36 weeks. I lost my mucus plug the night before my appointment that week. I was really contracting at my appointment and was seen by a different midwife that week. She insisted we just go to labor and delivery to get checked. We went knowing I was probably not in active labor yet. I was checked to be only 1cm and 40% effaced, his head still high. A few days later went in to labor and delivery with stronger contractions and thought my water could be leaking. Still the same status as far as dilation was concerned. I felt really nauseous and they gave me Zofran to help me get food down. We left at noon and still contracting. We decided to hang around town and eat lunch. We went to walk around Ross and see if they would continue. They kept coming and walking was making me tired. We drove to the hospital parking lot and sat in the car timing contractions again. They were close, strong, and painful. We sat for about an hour and then they began spacing out so we drove back home. Still feeling nauseous so I took some more Zofran and Tylenol for pain. I took a hot shower and that made them strong again. Finally felt a little less nauseous and ate a banana. Cried about being in so much pain and being so exhausted. Prayed and read my birth affirmations to help calm me.
I feel like as I get older it is harder to cope with labor and not get so in your head. I also feel that because his heart issues were unknown I was fearful of going into labor and birthing him. Even with all the great medical care we were receiving, it was so hard for me emotionally again even though this was my best pregnancy so far. The next morning I was still contracting and feeling the same nausea we had another appointment this week. My midwife checked me and still the same as the day before. She prescribed me a different anti-nausea medication and asked if I wanted her to strip my membranes. I agreed to give it a try and it was so painful. We also decided to go ahead and schedule my induction for April 17th at 8pm. My contractions were still going but sporadic and had a biophysical profile the next day to check on baby boy. He passed his biophysical profile and had some bloody show, but not much else happening. From this day which was April 3 until April 16 continued contracting off and on. Every appointment she would check me and still the same. I asked what we would do to induce me since I was only a 1cm still. She explained that the midwives usually like to start with Cervadil to get it going. She discussed what it was and how it worked. I was a little nervous about it because I have never had it. All my previous labors have started on their own, although I have had to also have Pitocin to augment them to progress. Even with Michael, when we went in for an induction I was already at a 6cm and contracting. So it was hard to know how I would do with the Cervadil. Also my blood platelets were up to 130,000 this week, so even though that is low it is not low enough to need intervention for that, thankfully.
April 17th finally came and the day went by slow. I finished last minute nesting projects like the kids sibling bags, laundry, and cleaning the house (well as much as I could with contracting). We made the kids dinner and gave Grama Georgie all the instructions on the kids. Also what we would do as far as Easter because we would most likely still be in the hospital.

 Here I am before we left for the hospital at 39 weeks pregnant.

 Here is a picture of everyone giving their final blessings to baby Gregory.

 We were scheduled to go in at 8 pm, but we left at 7:50pm. We checked in to the hospital at 8:30pm. They had just had an emergency so the nurses were not around. The midwife that would be delivering baby met us and said they would get me in a room as soon as they could. We had asked my hubby's youngest sisters to be there for the birth, since they missed Michael's because it went so fast. So we all four hung out in the triage waiting room talking and snacking. By 9pm they had a room ready and we were taken back to get checked in. We met our nurse, had vitals checked, got my iv started, and discussed our labor pain management plan. Also discussed baby's heart issue and that we needed NICU here when he was born. They checked how dilated I was to see what we would do. I was still 1cm, 60% effaced, and -2 station. Our midwife explained we would start with Cervadil, what it would do and that it could be 12 hours before anything happened. It was mostly emphasized because the girls were not going anywhere. They didn't want them bored and tired I guess, lol. We also can't know how long it will take our bodies to react to it and begin labor. I had the Cervadil put in around 9:30pm. They explained that a thin strip was placed into my cervix and left there until it fell out on its own or they needed to remove it. They told me to get rest now to be ready for labor. I was sitting there thinking it might be a really long night and that I could get some sleep. Then I got the first strong contraction within 15 minutes and had my hubby read me the birth affirmation cards I had made.

 Here is the warming bed for baby Gregory Ellis!!

Stay tuned for part two and see what happens next...

:)<3

 

Birth Announcement Baby #5

Presenting our 5th baby...

Gregory Ellis Hibler

Born: April 18th, 2019

Weight: 7 lbs. 8 oz.

Height: 20 1/2" long

Time: 5:27am

We will give updates as we get them. We appreciate prayers!! 

Pregnancy update/ Anxieties about birth

Every pregnancy has been so different, as well as each birth. I am no fool to believe that everything will always be just dreamy in life. Life is hard, ugly, and at times just horrible.
This pregnancy has been pretty good until this last trimester. With my history of prodomal laboring to low blood platelets. Then getting a suspected heart defect in little baby boy. It just shows how unpredictable life can be. Sharing all this helps me cope and stay hopeful.
So the reason they sent us to a pediatric cardiologist was because his pulmonary valve was dilated in comparison to the aortic valve. So there is what is called a pulmonary stenosis. This can resolve on its own as he grows, which was good to hear. The problem which she saw and took about two hours trying to see through the echo-cardiogram is what is called a coarctation of the aorta. In babies in the womb there is what is called a ductus arteriosus which connects the pulmonary valve to the aortic artery. Now once they are born it will close up because it is not needed to help blood flow to the heart anymore. The problem is for a glimpse she did see a slight kink in the aortic artery right where it connects, as well as blood flowing out which is typical and not so typical blood going back in. So once he is born that kink can cause tissue to close up the aortic artery, which gives blood flow to lower parts of the body. The time frame that it closes is from a few hours to a few days. This is why he will need another echo-cardiogram as soon as he is born. She couldn't get a clear view of how severe it is, but it explains the back flow blood they see and the pulmonary stenosis. She also hopes she was exaggerating what she did see and because of the uncertainty we have precautions to take for him to be treated. So the plan is we can deliver at our original hospital and have all the needed tests. If there is a coarctation of the aorta he will be stabilized with a temporary line to help keep the aortic artery open until the pediatric cardiologists decides the best course of action once transferred to the other hospital. They can help it stay open with a cardiac catheterization which is inserted through a main artery in the leg. How they will do it is still dependent on the severity of the coarctation. Apparently only 1% of babies have a heart defect and nothing I ate or did/didn't eat or do had to do with this. Can you see now why I am anxious and trying hard not to be? I am feeling not great with all the contracting and my excitement for someone about to welcome a new baby is not quite there yet. I am not sure if it will be until we know everything that will happen once he is born. It is in my human nature to be anxious and a little sad at the moment, but it will pass.
We are not ever prepared for things to go differently than we expect. I really have always prayed for healthy babies and don't expect to have them just because I asked. Every parent deserves and desires a healthy child. I have gained understanding through life experiences that we can't go without suffering. Whether it is physical, emotional, or spiritual. With that said, I have learned that we can pray for certain things and have faith. Ultimately, God's will is what prevails and what will occur. See the thing about life is we can't see God's bigger picture for our lives, let alone our children. He has a big plan through all of this uncertainty. I know with all my heart that no matter how Gregory's heart looks after birth it will be okay, God is good, no matter, what bottom line!!! So as well intentioned as your he will be okay comments are. God is in control is better and we are praying for him. I want everything to be okay more than anyone, I have after all been carrying him for 9 months. I desired him for months before he was conceived, to the point of tears in my prayers. So please just be prayerful for us right now, it is honestly the only thing that is keeping me going. Our Lord knows my heart's desire and prayers are so powerful!!!!
My next post should be his birth announcement, so stay tuned! :) <3

Gregory's profile

Little cutie!! 

"Sing praise to the Lord, you faithful; 

give thanks to his holy memory. 

For his anger lasts for a moment;

his favor  lifetime. 

At dusk weeping comes for a night;

but at dawn there is rejoicing."

Psalm 30:5-6